Gate passes at airport

Merla

I'm going to try to put my parent with Dementia on a flight to visit family so as to avoid a worse outcome. Last time I flew I inquired about how I could support an older person who has problems navigating airports fly solo. I was told a family member could get gate passes on both ends of the flight so the person could be accompanied to the gate with the person and the person could be met at the gate by a family member upon arrival.

Has anyone ever done this? I was told it's easy to do by an airline employee.

JM27

Hi Merla,

I have not heard of this. Let us know how it goes.

housefinch

My mom was able to do this at their local airport (medium sized city—not a big hub airport). She explained the situation at check in I think. I still think, though, that people with dementia could be a safety risk just being on a plane alone, if they’re past the very early stages. My mom allowed my stepdad to fly much later than I thought was ok.

JeriLynn66

Merla,

TSA Cares Program and your airline should be able to assist. But what about her being on a plane alone? Will she be ok?

harshedbuzz

Perhaps this could be the shoe dropping that makes it possible for you take steps you need to make to keep her safe.

https://www.travelandleisure.com/us-airports-program-non-travelers-visit-beyond-security-8382685

Victoriaredux

Tempting as it is to have some days without her in the house , what is your plan if she melts down mid flight, doesn't/can't obey the flight attendants? You don't want her zip tied on the floor of the plane .

You sure the family on the other end has the ability , patience and desire to get her on a plane back to you? If she is staying in her old home - how will you know it is locked and secured when she leaves ?

Do you want to have probate court hearings in two states if things go badly?

What is the "worse outcome" ? Sending an impaired person cross country with full access to their assets seems risky to me.

If you are truly waffling about having the bandwidth to take on her care with your full family responsibilities - I'd explore with your lawyer- if having a professional care manager evaluate her now- pre-trip to see if an emergency guardianship hearing isn't a possibility and you back fill the medical documentation before the final hearing OR refer her to adult protective now and let them open a file.

A lawyer with an active elder law litigation practice will know what professional care managers/guardians the courts are likely to listen to .

This trip back is a very risky gamble. Long term, do you really want to take on managing her care? Making decisions and following through regardless of her stated wishes and whims. I know this is really hard for you Merla -I hope it resolves happily for all-and soon . Everyone safe. That's the goal.

H1235

On my phone I can mark certain contacts as emergency contacts. I believe emergency responders would know to look for this on a phone. If you haven’t already I would mark yourself as an emergency contact on her phone. It might not hurt to just give her a piece of paper with your contact information to put in her pocket or purse. If you do get a call that she has been found lost and confused I would use that as an opportunity to insist on an evaluation. I would not just fly there and pick her up. I hope it goes well.

Merla

My goal is to pass one month peacefully until she has an evaluation by her chosen dr which is something she is legally entitled to. I tried everything to disfuse her mounting anger towards me but she was so fixated on her plan. So it's a miracle she accepted a much safer alternate plan.

I want other family to see the state she is in so maybe they will more proactively help in some way and also support my decision to pursue ltc asap not that I will literally need their support. My sibling may not know what he is getting himself into but he should know what it is like. We have a family member who worked in a ltc facility so they would likely know what it is like to care for someone.

At this point I'm not worried about behavior on the flight and am only worried about logistics involved with flying.

I literally dizzy from stress and exhaustion and was light headed thinking about how to pass a whole month with someone who was so angry at me though to be fair she was intermittently super angry with me but it was escalating and I'm certain it would have erupted horribly next week. I have a job to keep and already skipped a business trip because I can't leave her alone.

Maybe I'm naive but once she is safe in long term care then i don't see being thr primary caregiver as being a massive burden. I plan to have everything financial professionally managed. And I'm delegating packing up her condo and selling it to my sibling. I found a great memory facility near me which is supposedly one of the best in the country and has a whole floor of people with mild/moderate dementia who at a glance look normal so This seems like an amazing long term solution to ensuring safety and maximizing quality of life.

Merla

Thanks. I'm going to try this. I'm hoping she doesn't bat an eye when I tell the airline employee I want a gate pass.

Merla

In the end it all worked out ok to get gate passed but it involved far more begging and pleading than I anticipated on both ends.

my airport allows visitors passes but their system for visitor passes for wasn't working and then there is variation of gate pass policies among airlines and the only way to get a definitive answer is to show up at the airport in person. And some airports just don't allow gate passes for people to accompany non minors. It seems like though if one insists enough, one will get a gate pass but I wouldn't 100% count on it.

What I found incredible was that my parent realized the impossible challenge of the airport as soon as we stepped in the door but not at all beforehand and was very grateful for my help. My parent does seem to have some common sense in that she can recognize overwhelming situations when in them and ask for help. I hope I made the right decision for her to make this trip.

Merla

a friend told me that instead of gate passes which are iffy she buys a refundable ticket, goes through security and then cancels the ticket once pass security and get a full refund.