Burned out from being a caregiver to my father- in law

klachman

Hello is anyone burned from being a caregiver. It has been a difficult few years because my husband and I have been taking care of his father because he has dementia. We have to go over there every evening to make sure he eats and takes his medications. Some days are difficult when he doesn't reconize his home or he is really anxious.

DCCEPEK

Caregiving for MIL. He'll eventually need to be with you all. Get started on legal stuff and take care of you.

Sapphire68

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67396/burned-out-from-being-a-caregiver-to-my-father-in-law

Do you have Meals on Wheels/Senior Services in your area? I would check in to that if you can. They will deliver a hot meal on weekdays most of the year. That way he has a meal sent to him. They also have volunteers that can drop by and check in on him or call and check in on him if that's an option. My sister and I took turns doing things for my mom before she passed in 2014. It can be really hard on us caregivers. :( It can put wear and tear on your own health. Be sure to take care of you as well. You'd never realize how much stress you are dealing with that is inside that you don't show outwardly.

busymom438

Yes, I think I may be suffering from caregiver burnout. Mom has been diagnosed for 2 years, and still lives "independently" in her own home. I do all of the financials, appointments, driving, etc. She lost her husband 3 years ago, and my only sister lives 5 hours away (I'm 15 minutes). I changed jobs so I could work from home part time to help her. At the start I thought would be 50/50 with my sister but that has yet to happen. Joining these groups is a step in the right direction, I think, because no one really knows until they are going through it. People mean well, but it's tough. I also beat myself for feeling tired and frustrated, as she is not even needing 24 hour care as yet, but if I'm not there it's many phone calls a day to answer questions or help her to take meds.

MundoCarmen

My situation is similar. I’m struggling with guilt because I’m not sure I can continue to take care of my mother. She was also diagnosed 2 years ago and my father passed 4 years ago. She lives with my sister but she is too busy to take care of her so I quit my job and am with my mom from 8-6. I have 2 siblings who are not very involved and this is overwhelming. My mom has started to behave like a teenager and is looking for a partner in a desperate way. It makes me sad and I understand her but she also doesn’t have logic anymore and doesn’t understand that I can not let her take off with strangers when she doesn’t even know her own address or how to call 911. I feel very alone because my mom is not who she use to be and I have left the social work life and what use to be my life behind. I know I need to figure out a healthier way for me to balance both worlds.

MIchellelang

I understand completely. I sold my home to move in with my mom. She is 76 and I feel that dealing with my mom repeating herself over and over again and asking the same question repeatedly is really starting to mess with my mind. My mom is my best friend and I find myself snapping at her and getting so frustrated and I feel so guilty afterwards. This is my first Alzheimer's group and as I'm reading other people's issues it's really helping me. I pray that your situation gets better.

Ochunlade

You are not alone. We have a similar situation. Mom is half a block away in our case and can still walk over. She comes for dinner almost every night. If she doesn't, I have to go over with food or prepare food and sit with her. She eats Barbie sized portions. You can easily get burned out. I'm considering increasing care to include some evenings so that my husband and I can have some time to ourselves. I also sometimes, just need the night off for my own mental health, especially when I'm depleted from other stressors and am not at my most patient -- not a good recipe for social interaction with Mom who is increasingly frustrated by not being able to do the things she used to do.

Ochunlade

I'm not so good at doing self-care, but it is really important to build in. Make sure to add something enjoyable to your day or week, an activity, turning phones off, a little pampering, a glass of wine, a call to a friend . . . something. Be realisitic and accept "good enough". Assess what you can do. Don't try to do more than that. That changes day by day. Some days, I have to keep my visit shorter. Distinguish between the things you can control and those you can't. Focus on those you can and keep interactions pleasant. Can you delegate things or get help? — always good to revisit. Good luck. The landscape seems to change every day. I have little "pocket statements" that I use to help me cope when I feel overwhelmed. I find them useful to pull out and apply as needed. Examples, "Every day is an adventure." (helps me cope with the unexpected). "It made sense at the time." (helps me cope with frustration of seeing what Mom did that made no sense, that I now have to fix somehow). "You don't have to fix everything."

Bethhope

I feel like care giver Burnout comes and goes.
Been caring for and helping my parents for years. In December they moved into a personal care home. It has a higher level of care. My Dad passed away in March. My mom has had Dementia for years. She is doing very well there and they are taking such good care of her. I had guilt when they first went there even though they knew and I knew, that was the best option.
I Started seeing cognitive changes in my husband. My Dad noticed some as well. Went to neurologists on Tuesday. He was diagonised with mild Alzhemiers. Glad that we have a diagonsis but hearing those words was hard. I was going to a support group for my Mom. Using alot of the advice and tools that they offer. What really helps me is knowing that others are going through the same things. Offering each other kindness and support.
Finding a balance and caring for your self is ever changing. Self care is important. I do meditation, exercise and read etc. I saw everyone's comments and just wanted to say thank you.

debi0909

> @MIchellelang said:
> I understand completely. I sold my home to move in with my mom. She is 76 and I feel that dealing with my mom repeating herself over and over again and asking the same question repeatedly is really starting to mess with my mind. My mom is my best friend and I find myself snapping at her and getting so frustrated and I feel so guilty afterwards. This is my first Alzheimer's group and as I'm reading other people's issues it's really helping me. I pray that your situation gets better.

I am also taking care of my 78 year old mother she stills lives in independent living and we are trying to keep her there as long as possible. She does not want anyone but me to help her and I am an only child with my husband. I get frustrated too of her asking the same questions over and over again all day. It sucks!!!!!!! I have to keep telling myself that at least she still knows who I am and that it could be a lot worse if that happens. But it is still so hard and I feel guilty not spending the night because after cleaning and the emotional stuff I am so tired I have to get away for my own sanity. She cries alot and also every time I leave her house and I even got her a kitten to not be lonely. She says that she is lonely but will not make any friends so everything is up to me!