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Needing support from my online "friends" who walk a similar journey.
I'm strong most of the time but feeling very vulnerable tonight. MCI diagnosis after neuro/psych testing many yrs ago. 2 strokes and 2 vascular surgeries later dr says likely VD. DH refuses further testing or medical evaluation. He's done. Don't blame him, its been a lot of tests that ruled out lots of things. He wants no…
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Moment of Being Overwhelmed with WHY?
Please no advice! Just a listening ear is what I need. I am sitting at a Panera alone with an iced tea. I fled our home—literally—-a bit ago because I could not take another moment of being in the presence of DH with mild cognitive impairment from ALZ. I feel utterly alone in this moment and overwhelmed. I have no one to…
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The Velveteen Rabbit
I posted this a long while back, but most of the people here now are new, so I thought it would be a good time to repost. When we were married, almost 46 years ago, the priest added this reading to our wedding ceremony from a children’s book, “The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams. My sister read it at the ceremony. I…
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Am I being unreasonable?
I’m 81, my DW is 82. I have been her primary caregiver since she was diagnosed three years ago. We live in rural Western PA. Between our prior marriages we have 8 kids. They all live far away, the closest is her daughter who lives fours away. She is in stage 5. I have had to take over all the finances, medications, meal…
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Trigger warnings
Hi all, yesterday my LO with stage 4-5 received a late payment bill and spent 3 hours going through his papers and swearing he paid the bill even when there had been no check written or recorded. I have taken over ALL the bills except that one😝it was 3 hours of cussing, going back and forth to the mailbox. Finally at 10 PM…
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Just need to talk to my friends (203)
It has been a beautiful day, sunny and 75. Meant to check on the daffodils but forgot. The ones I can see from the kitchen window look okay! QVC has started their gardening shows so Spring is near. They had the perennial Gerbera daisies again today. So pretty. I bought them two years ago and had one bloom and they didn't…
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Hiw many spouses sleep in another room?
My DH gets extremely anxious and agitated, sundowning is in full effect at our house. My husband is up and down all night long. Good nights 15x, many nights 25+. I can't take care of him if I'm not getting any sleep. Dr tried respiridine and trazadine but they decreased his BP to critical levels, 70/50. Off those meds, BP…
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Just need to vent : Last Days of Gene Hackman: ABC News Special
It is obvious that his spouse went to great length to protect his medical privacy and it was something she was quite successful at. I have great admiration for what she was able to accomplish. Protecting the dignity of my DW is priority #3 after her health and safety. It is not an easy thing to do. Now her reward for…
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The realities of paying for M/C
I'm wanting to hear from those of you who have been down this road and are ahead of me on this journey. We are still maintaining at home for now. I would like to keep him home as long as he isn't violent or wandering but I a realist and know I need to have a back up plan. We aren't rich but both have pensions and SS. The…
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Cost of Memory Care
I read yesterday that Memory Care is $115,000 a year. How can anyone afford that??!! and what are the alternatives?
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When to move to memory care
My wife periodically thinks I am her father from time to time. We can go days between the episodes, which can last until bedtime. Then she will wake up fine. My concern is that she will still recognize me from time to time after I move her. I will be absolutely heartbroken that I abandoned her. She does not wander, so I am…
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Vacation
My husband has moderate vd dementia. Prior to this dx, we bought a timeshare that I am still paying on. The idea of not being able to travel and use that is awful to me. I still work full time and have a companion with him most of the day. Our last vacation was when I saw a huge difference in him and he "lost" the memory…
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Retired military or spouse with Tricare
This is new coverage for members with Tricare insurance. For up to the next five years, TRICARE will cover Food and Drug Administration (FDA)-approved monoclonal antibodies (MABs) lecanemab (brand name Leqembi) and donanemab (brand name Kisunla), for the treatment of Alzheimer’s disease in patients with mild cognitive…
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Unusual Walk
We go for a mile walk every day weather permitting. Of late my LV who is 74 yrs old and physically very fit , has been walking “strange” of late. I am afraid she will trip and fall. Anybody experienced this ?
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Feeling So Sad 11
Please don’t laugh 🤣 I sat on my phone and cut off my sadness post. Maybe that was a good thing it was enough to break my melancholy. I feel better but it happens quite a bit. My DH often asks who am I? Where do I sleep? Do I have a brother? etc mostly I just happily move on but it got to me today and I felt so very sad.…
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From Maybe to Reality 3
Family had a big birthday party for DH (ALZ). I was afraid that it would be too much for him but he had the time of his life and at age 90, he danced every dance. The only think that I noticed was when 2 of the grandsons came over to the house before the party and spent time alone with him. He was telling some of his life…
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Female spouse w/young kids looking for mom in similar situation?
I'd love to find a caregiver like myself to exchange texts with, like our own mini support group. This is likely too specific, but ideally it would be a woman whose partner is in the early stages of Alzheimer's (like, very very early stages where most people can't tell) and whose kids are still living at home (our kids are…
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More than a man
My wife asked me today if I was OK, and I replied I was OK for an old man. She said, "You're more than a man." She's right. I'm a caregiver, a husband, a lover, a friend, a father, a brother, a teacher, a writer, a gardener, and more. You are more than a man/woman too.
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Anger and delusions all day
My DH is in a rehabilitation facility after a fall in which he fractured his neck. He has to wear a neck brace for about 3 months. He is doing very well in therapy. He has a history of anger, paranoia, agitation, and and infidelity delusions. He has had these episodes in the facility but, unlike today has been over the top…
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Talking gibberish in his sleep
hi Wondering if any caregivers in the group have experienced constant nonsense talk during the night. My DH with Alzheimer's, will sound like he's carrying on a conversation, but it doesn't make sense. It's a rambling on that keeps me awake, and startles him awake when he gets loud or angry, in his sleep. If I try to wake…
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Dreaming of the future
We spend so much time caring for our demented spouses. Our lives are turned upside down and inside out, being dragged down the rabbit hole with our spouses to "dementia land". Our days look so very different with more work than we can accomplish and little time for ourselves and our needs. My husband is sleeping more these…
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help with anger and corrections
I'm 52 female, my DW is 66, recently diagnosed. We are in early stages of this journey - not a lot of memory issues, but trouble figuring out how to open doors, remembering to eat, figuring out how things work like showers, clothes, etc. I have a lot to learn, but would love some pointers on what to do about the anger -…
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dealing with our LO's anger
My DW have vascular dementia (sorry I can't use the acronym VD😂). About a year ago she became angry and has stayed that way. I spent every day trying to do things that would make her happy to no avail. I placed her in MC 3 months ago. She remains angry and upset with me. I visit her daily for about an hour. The first 30…
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Informing others of diagnosis
I was wondering if I should mention to acquaintances that my DH is showing signs of Alzheimer’s. Sometimes we meet up with friends we haven’t seen in a long time and my DH has gotten to the point where he has very little to say or when he does say something it shows his memory is not normal. I don’t know whether to mention…
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When do you decide to place your spouse in a Facility
My husband is only 61. The confusion started 3 years ago. In the last 7 weeks he has decided fast - no longer uses the restroom, does not eat, have to force him. Can stay up for 2 to 3 days with our much sleep (cat naps - 15 to 30 minutes), constantly pacing, has left the house in the middle of the night with no shoes,…
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Not sure how to feel
The last week of February my DH and myself tested positive for covid. Two weeks later we tested negative and his symptoms seem to have went away, but on the 19th of March we took him to the ER for a totally different issue when they found he has pneumonia and spent 3 days in the hospital. They said he tested positive for…
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Hi I'm 10 second Louie!!
So if you have ever seen the movie 50 first dates with Adam Sandler I am currently living with "10 second Tom" this weekend. For those who have not seen the movie it starts Drew Barrymore as a young girl who was in car accident and has brain trauma. This trauma caused it so that her brain resets every night and she relives…
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Experience with Buspirone
DH is only on memantine right now, and I’m still on the fence about adding more meds, thinking that I should be able to adjust my behavior or triggers first. I mentioned anxiety at his last appt with PCP and they suggested buspirone as a med that is “on demand” rather than something that needs to be built up in the system.…
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THE INSOMNIA AT STAGE 7
Hello to all, I am very sleep deprived at the moment, but wanted to post, Please excuse any bloopers. DH is having very restless nights. He has been on Seraquel 25 mg which has helped with mood , but not with sleep. So we are on a trial and error path for sleep med. The first one, Zyprexa was useless, Now switched to…
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MCI Diagnosis
My DH has been diagnosed with MCI after a fairly brief evaluation from a neurologist (with review of his MRI and bloowork). It appears that this is an umbrella term that could mean any number of things, so I'm confused about his actual diagnosis. I'm contemplating getting a more detailed neuropsych evaluation but hear that…