The Last Good Christmas

GothicGremlin

@Jeanne C. started a thread in the spouse/partner forum about Christmas and whether we're doing alright. I thought about posting there, but decided it might be inappropriate because it's not my spouse who has dementia. So I thought I'd start up my own thread here.

My last bona fide good Christmas was in 2018. Peggy had just been diagnosed in August and my s.o. and I decided to go to Europe for our 25th anniversary. It turned out that two bands we really like (who never tour in the US) both had Christmas shows, so we built our trip around them. We started in London and went to see The Men They Couldn't Hang (if you like The Pogues, you'll like TMTCH). Here's The Colours from the show we saw in London. We ended our trip in Berlin to see Corvus Corax. Here they are live doing Crenaid Brain. The youtube title is misspelled, either that or the title in my iTunes is wrong. I love them because they're so weird! They make their own instruments and every time I see them I think that this must be what medieval Klingons look like. Note: there are bagpipes. Lots of them. And a hurdy gurdy.

So, anyway, fantastic trip.

2019 was the last time I saw my sister fully present at Christmas.

2020 was a tiny Christmas because of lockdown, which Peggy didn't really understand. Zoom was a thing, but Peggy had never used it and so was confused by it. I told her it was like watching the Brady Bunch theme song - she got that.

2021 was the first memory care Christmas, and a nightmare.

2022 was really bad. My uncle had just passed away and my brother told Peggy all about it and she hallucinated him for months.

2023 - the less said, the better. Best part - I made spaghetti, cooked it all day, and it came out well. I'll make lasagna tomorrow. Worst part - doing dementia damage control all morning yesterday, and trying to calm Peggy. Today, me and my s.o. are both just resting, eating leftovers before starting up again tomorrow.

Jeanne C.

GG, your comments are always welcome. I'm sorry you had a tough day yesterday and I'm glad you and Mr. Gremlin get to recuperate a little today.

We had a rough few days. Saturday was supposed to be family Christmas. One of my nephews was sick, so my sister and her boys stayed home. We went to my other sister's but it didn't go well. First there was the ridiculous traffic, almost doubling the drive. And because we had so much food and fewer teenage boys, my sister invited some other friends. Ralph was a mess almost from the minute we got there. Too loud, too many unfamiliar people, and just being out of his element took its toll. We ended up leaving quickly and basically did a four hour roundtrip to eat a sandwich.

The rest of the weekend was lonely and long. I was looking forward to a break today but his daycare was closed and his aide called out.

And just when I was feeling good and sorry for myself, I talked to my mom and learned that my dad was having a rough time being away from everyone (they're in Florida while the rest of us are in the northeast). I guess the holidays are sometimes hard for everyone, even people not dealing with dementia, and doesn't that make me feel like a selfish brat?

And lasagna sounds great. I think I'll make it for new year's.

GothicGremlin

Thanks, @Jeanne C. I think I was having a dark night of the soul.

If you're a selfish brat, then so am I, and so is everyone else here. But I have to tell you, I don't see any selfish brats here.

Ralph and Peggy are similar in that if there are too many people, or it's too loud, she'll have a meltdown. And too many people these days is any number greater than two.

The holidays are definitely a time to just endure and get through. I know I'm counting the days until January 2nd, but I'm feeling better now, and I hope you are too. Lasagna helps. 🙂

GG06

@GothicGremlin I'm just seeing the new picture next to your username. It's so sweet.

Thank you so much for your post. I think I speak for everyone when I say we all benefit from your insights and reflections. You have been incredibly helpful to me, so please continue to post anywhere.

Like you, I've been thinking a lot about the Christmases through the years and trying to remember Paul in each of them. And also wondering what next year's will look like.

I hope everyone has the best day possible. I'm really grateful to have you all in my life.

GothicGremlin

I used that photo early on. I feel like it captures an essence of who we both still are. It's very "true", if you know what I mean. Peggy's kind of unsure and tentative, and I'm like "don't mess with me - or Peggy." 😄

I changed my photo to my Little Apple Doll (Sine of Souls) when this site changed their format. I was in a pouty, sulky mood, and that avatar was my way of expressing my displeasure. I'm over it now, so I reverted back to the picture of me and Peggy.

2024 just makes me feel apprehensive. I have no idea what to expect, but I doubt it'll be good. There was such a difference in Peggy from 2022 to 2023, my head is still spinning.

Like you, @GG06 I'm very grateful for everyone here.