overwhelmed

Ellen G.

I am overwhelmed everyday. My husband is in late early phase I would say. I have to simplify my life. Does the mean giving up me? I am afraid of being swallowed whole by this disease.I do get breaks and I do play pickleball and kayak once in a while. But, as soon as I am "back in", I am overwhelmed with details. Do I give up my "fun" and use my breaks to do practical stuff?Something has to go and I don't want it to be me. How can I be a caregiver then? I have just finished up a 6 month stint of monthly meetings with a social worker offered by Alz Association. It was good to talk with someone who understands.

elhijo

Hello Ellen G.,

Sounds like you could use help from other caretakers taking care of their husbands. I'd call the Alz Association and see if they can look up any virtual caretaker support groups for you. I believe, after the pandemic, virtual groups became more common and you could benefit from being connected to other wives who are taking care of their husbands. My situation is a different as I'm taking care of my elderly mom who has Alzheimer's so the dynamics are different. One thing to keep in mind though is to talk to an elder care attorney, just to run what your particular scenario is and if there are any blind spots you may not be aware of legally. The Alz association usually has a list of attorneys who provide assistance to caretakers (or Alz sufferers) in your area. Some attorneys might be willing to give a discount given how serious the disease is.

Very best of luck to you and your husband.

karsmom

I am reading a book named Loving Someone Who has Dementia by Pauline Boss PhD. It is very good and has a chapter on self care and how important it is.

Ochunlade

I know the feeling. My mother is somewhere in the middle stages, I believe. It is easy to become consumed.

Yes, you cannot be a health caregiver, if you do not renew your energy supply - can't run on empty and everyone has to figure out what that looks like for them. If you are going to be providing the physical care, self-care has to be varied. Maybe, get it in in shorter chunks — a foot bath, a 15 min massage with your manicure, a short walk, 5 min of meditation/music.

If you think you are doing too many things, constantly going from one thing to the next — you may need respite or another caregiver in place. Getting a break from direct care is good, if you can afford or manage it.

Sometimes, it is about doing things in a different way. Look at what you can simplify there — working smarter, not harder or simply defaulting to Plan B or Plan C. Example, when a caregiver called out rather than run late making Mom usual breakfast, I just went to the deli and got her a delicious protein shake. Breakfast handled.