Crying for 3 Mos in AL

kvbay

Our mom has midstage dementia and we moved her to AL in August. She's been calling one of us siblings sobbing almost every morning, saying "I can't do it here", "I hate it here", "I want to go live with someone", etc. She calms down and is mostly ok for the rest of the day but doesn't want to go to any of the activities, hates that the carers " barge into her house" , hates that they drag her down to meals. The sobbing is so gut wrenching for us and we are worrying if she will ever adjust. Should we stay the course there? Its no great but not bad and she is at least safe. Would moving her to a different AL to try make any sense or is she going to cry wherever she is?

kvbay

JACIEMF

My mom, 93 with mild/moderate dementia, is doing the same thing. She has been in AL/MC for about 10 months but with the nights being longer and winter setting in, she has been depressed and calls me usually (only daughter and oldest) to come and get her. She hates it there (even though it is a nice place and the staff are wonderful). I have been trying to be reassuring, redirecting, all the things you are supposed to do, but day after day, night afternight it is the same thing. She is on an antidepressent and Seroquel for delusions. I, too, don't know what to do anymore. It is so hard to hear your mother be so upset and unhappy day after day even though I visit her at least 4-5 days a week. Any advice would be appreciated.

JACIEMF

> @kvbay said:
> Our mom has midstage dementia and we moved her to AL in August. She's been calling one of us siblings sobbing almost every morning, saying "I can't do it here", "I hate it here", "I want to go live with someone", etc. She calms down and is mostly ok for the rest of the day but doesn't want to go to any of the activities, hates that the carers " barge into her house" , hates that they drag her down to meals. The sobbing is so gut wrenching for us and we are worrying if she will ever adjust. Should we stay the course there? Its no great but not bad and she is at least safe. Would moving her to a different AL to try make any sense or is she going to cry wherever she is?

I am going through the same thing with my 93 year old mom with mild/moderate dementia. It is SO hard to hear them be so upset. I too have been struggling with what to do to help her. I have been getting "tougher" as far as not rushing to her, and have been reassuring and redirect as much as possible. It is very overwhelming, as you know. I would stay the course because really, what is the alternative? In my case, this is the best place for my mom even though she hates it there and wants me to come and get her every day because she thinks she is at work and does not live there. Such a horrible disease. Good luck to you too.