Parents Refuse Help

Iloveguy

I am the oldest of two (2) adult children whose parents are both only children -- I have no aunts, uncles or cousins. My parents are 94 years old and are driving me crazy. Their cognitive decline began many years ago and my brother wanted to get both parents assessed by a geriatric psychiatrist. They refused.

We wanted to move into an assisted living/memory care center where they would be assured of their comfort, safety, medical care and proper meal eating.

We received a resounding "no".

My father has had two (that I know of) traffic infractions, one of which caused damage to his car. Since his physician refused to submit appropriate paperwork to the DMV, I took it upon myself to file a complaint with the Medical Board accusing his doctor of medical malpractice and also the DMV and begged them to suspend his license. Fortunately, due to my efforts with the DMV, my father is no longer permitted to drive.

As a result of my desire for him not to drive which would mean him being off the road would prevent his death, my mother's death, their dog's death, pedestrians, bicyclists and other motor vehicles. My father has refused to speak with me for the past several months because he told me what I did was brutal and he called me several unkind names as well.

My friends were lucky in that their parents loved them enough to have "the talk" about what could happen in the event of their mental and physical decline and outlined measures to be taken. Whenever my brother and I repeatedly asked our parents to have this kind of discussion with us, their response was "it's none of your G-D business," "all you want is our money," "leave us alone," and my favorite: "You'll find out all you need to do when you get a call from the lawyer and the Neptune Society."

Needless to say, I have been stressed out to the max though I have been sleeping well. I retired last year and haven't been able to enjoy it because of what has been going on with my parents. My brother insists on "handling things" and telling me to "stay out of it". I have offered to help as much as I can but so far my offers have been ignored. In the meantime, the family home is a mess and I am humiliated that my parents are now being given food delivered by charities! My brother and I each live 30 miles round trip from the family home and with gas prices being as high as they are, we don't feel responsible for making that commute (I traveled 60 miles round trip when I was working and it was tiring and aggravating, especially with all of the traffic I incurred).

Thank you for allowing me to vent. I would be encouraged to hear from others who are going through what I am going through.