Caring for Mom

JMarciano

Hello,

I’m new here and have a similar experience with my mom. She was a nurse for 45 years and will not let any caregiver, care for her because, she knows how “to care for herself “ The unfortunate thing is she isn’t caring for herself (showering, brushing teeth, taking medications). She lives with my brother and sister in law and she won’t even let them help her. We are really at a loss of what to do. In the past month she sleeps a lot and forgets to eat and drink. We would love to bring someone in but, we are so afraid that she will be so cruel to them. She is suspicious of everyone and insists she can do everything herself. She has also been falling in the past couple of days when my brother and sister-in-law are at work. If anyone has any suggestions, it would be greatly appreciated!

elhijo

Hi J Marciano,

In these situations it's really hard unless the loved one is medicated. My mom was the exact same way and the psych meds made her so weak and out of it, I was so afraid she would fall as she was still strong enough to get out of the bed. She would get out of bed as she was still strong while medicated but was sedated enough so that an aide could assist her but she wasn't the mother I knew. I'm still taking care of my mom but now she's bed-bound. Looking a little back on it now at the way she was back then, I advise you to take her to a geriatric psychiatrist or neurologist to prescribe something to calm her down enough so that someone can come in and assist. If whatever the doctor prescribes is too strong, have the doctor lower whatever it is to the lowest dose. A bad fall can make things 100% worse, broken hips, etc. And you don't want that happening. Hospitalizations are bad enough, and people can catch things in the hospital from other patients, no matter how clean the hospital is. One thing to do in the meantime is to remove any furniture with sharp edges, glass tables, etc., anything that can tip over and cause harm if she reaches out to grab it, it tips over, breaks, and hurts her.

For someone coming into the home, a good place to start would be the Alliance for Aging. Every city has one. The service is so-so as it's a free service but it's a place to start. These agencies that send people to the are touch-and-go with the private pay ones being the better ones but are very pricey. Still the good thing about going through and agency is that they take care of the taxes, insurance, etc., and hopefully run a thorough background check. If you have questions about any of this talk to the agency until your questions are answered to your satisfaction.

Best of luck to you and your mom and family.