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shaky departure on a low staff day for dad's memory care plus recent "unwitnessed" injuries
Hello all, Dad really wanted to come with me today as I was leaving. He hasn't done that for a while, so I was out of practice. It was also a very low staff day today. For instance, I had to ring the doorbell three times (with long wait periods in between) for someone to come let me in. So I know there's a pretty good…
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Mom's REPETITIVE Calling on Cell Phone - HELP & SUGGESTIONS needed
Mom is calling siblings, extended family and friends a huge amount of times a day asking for assistance in moving her back to her home from care center. An example...my sister received 30 calls on Tuesday and by early afternoon yesterday had 15. My brother received 15 calls yesterday and his wife as well. Care staff…
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Struggling to find balance
Hi, dad lives with me and has moderate stage Alzheimer's. Despite lots of other health concerns, his progression has been very slow- I've been giving him care (first IADLs like paying bills, now progressing to physical, Hands-On hygiene and such) for a little more than a decade. In addition to this stressor, last summer I…
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Long Distance Care for Parent with Dementia
I am struggling trying to keep up with my step-mother, who has been diagnosed with Dementia. In 2024 she went in for knee surgery and had a cardiac arrest. Since then it has been downhill. I feel like I'm living in the movie "Groundhog Day" living the same day over and over. I have three siblings who live closer to her,…
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Struggling
I posted back in April about my mother and struggling then. My Dad had also had hip surgery and everything spiraled out of control. Anyway things did calm down once my Dad recovered and was able to better manage the concept of working with my mother instead of against her Alzheimer's. However things have of course…
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Moving my mom in
My mom was starting to show signs of Alzheimer’s but she refused to admit it. I was doing all the work when she needed help or forgot things and finally had to step back for a few months so my brothers would step up. Now they see how bad it is and after a 2 am phone call they see she should not be living alone. The only…
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Suggestions about what to ask of a home health aid?
We've qualified for 24 hours of help from a home health aid paid by our insurance but I don't know what to ask of this person (if we can find one!). We are both ambulatory, ride bikes together and I manage household chores. My DH is easy going, polite, charming but needs to ask questions all the time and repeats himself…
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Compassion Fatigue
Compassion fatigue TED Talk [https://youtu.be/ZsaorjIo1Yc?si=L07hszirRcCX-mXP]
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Anger and depression
My father has been declining rapidly mentally. His depression hasn't been able to be controlled with meds and he keeps getting meaner. He's in denial but sometimes I think what I say actually makes it to his thinking process sometimes but is often turned around on me and it's my fault or something I did or didn't do. I'm…
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Stress, guilt, confusion
My oldest sister told me she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a month ago. I know she's had mild memory loss for years, but she hid it well. It still seems mild to me, but I've never known anyone with this disease. She calls me to tell me that I never call her, although we speak frequently. When the conversation starts, she…
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Another Surgery?!?
Today dad goes in for surgery. He has severely unmanaged type 2 diabetes and his last surgery advanced his dementia so much that he has gone from stage 3 to stage 5 quickly. He is having yet another digit removed from his foot and the hospital is acting like it is no big deal… I feel it is a bigger deal than they are…
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Dad...
My Dad was a narcissistic man my entire life so far and now he is in the nursing home for PT from a back surgery he had at the end of April. Since his surgery, we have discovered he has had multiple strokes, he has been delirious and he has vascular dementia. The surgery took 8 hours and with all of his other issues such…
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Regaining Sense of Self
Hi, all I found the video below just yesterday; and in my case it was quite timely. The video is a little over 10 minutes, but I think it is worthwhile for those of you who feel like you’ve lost who you used to be through all this physical, emotional and mental stress of caregiving. And if you feel like sharing with others…
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Forgot who I was dealing with :(
Just a vent… I made the tragic error today of forgetting that my mom is not really the same person anymore, the mom I used to be able to have meaningful talks and heart-to-hearts with. … We were having such a nice visit today. I took her my old baby book and we had such a fun time reading it together. Things took a turn…
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Stressed Rambling Because I'm new to This
Hi everyone, my mother was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's and I started living with her about a month ago because she requires full time care. She was able to hide her mental decline for a long time because she has always been very independent, and we didn't have the best relationship. She is already in stage 5 or…
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New here...
Only child caring for 90 YO Mom. Started with neuro last year, and he diagnosed dementia. Didn't really tell much info. She'd had several episodes of people spying on her, trying to break in, etc. We put up cameras, etc and that seemed to stop that kind of thing. That let us know there were things indicative of something…
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From the NYT: The Pain of Caring for a Parent Who Abused You
Gifted link. C&P into your browser. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/06/15/magazine/elder-care-parent-abuse.html?unlocked_article_code=1.qVA.g6x3.dCf7rxwmWlbP&smid=url-share
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CARE AT HOME UNSUSTAINABLE
My DW’s psychiatrist and non-residential memory care activities director have recommended residency, telling me that my caring for her at home is “unsustainable” and that I’m harming myself by trying to be her sole caregiver. What form could/will that “harm” take? What could happen to me? I’m stressed, sure, but feel that…
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Navigating mom's move to MC from six hours away
Hello, I'm really glad I found this resource and hope I can get some support from online. Brief history: I live about 6 hours from my family. About 10 years ago my mom had a TIA and was fine until about March last year, when she fell and hit her head--either another stroke or balance problems; no idea. My dad covered for…
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questions
My grandma has dementia and needs help doing things. She has been wanting moved every 5 mins to her chair and bed. She keep saying she don’t no what’s wrong and can’t see her dog in front of her everything is on repeat for her. How do I confront her or help her? Trying to not get upset but it’s hard
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Guilt Trips
I've always been susceptible to my mom's guilt trips, which is something I've been exploring with my therapist. But it's especially hard for me to brush them off now, because I feel responsible for moving her into AL near me, and boy does she like to complain about it! The bed is uncomfortable, the vent in the bathroom is…
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Wants me near always
My husband only wants me with him to care for him - no relatives or caregivers. He wants me around all the time and if I leave the house, he forgets where I am and thinks I am dead, even with reminders from the relative or caregiver with him. He worries the whole time I am gone. I am his everything, which is a lot to…
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I needed an outlet to rant sorry I rambled
I am 25 and I quit my job about a year ago to help my parents take care of my grandmother with Alzheimer's. She lives with my parents but I do not live with them. I take care of my grandmother during the day and anytime my parents need help on the weekends, which isn't too much. Lately she's become very combative and…
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Need emotional support
Hi everyone, I'm caring for my aunt who raised me when I was a child. She has early-stage Alzheimer’s and is currently living alone. Her son has been out of contact with the family for about 10 years, and we haven’t been able to find him. She misses him deeply and talks about him every day. My aunt has memory loss. Because…
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How to keep their mood from ruining yours?
When my mother with early-to-moderate dementia has a bad day--ie., crying, anxious, or angry--I find it greatly affects my own mood. I am having a hard time separating my own feelings from hers, I guess. I have recently been prescribed Lexapro and it is helping to some degree, but I am wondering how other people manage to…
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Therapeutic Fibs / Compassionate Fibs
Moving on a bit from the previous topic - I think we resolved a couple things that my mom was upset with basically because my Dad realized he was arguing too much with my mom so she was reacting to that mostly. Now we need to learn how to use Therapeutic Fibs / Compassionate Lying and make them work for my mom. I also…
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Young Adult Daughter of Dad with Dementia
Hi everyone! I'm 22, just came home from graduating college and sadly my Dad was recently diagnosed with Dementia after 2 years of agitation, aggression, and eventually psychosis symptoms. With the help of medication, we are so grateful to now get glimpses of the phenomenal superhero of a man/dad he was for me all my life.…
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Having a hard time about my dads diagnosis.
Preface: (DAD WAS VERY RECENTLY DIAGNOSED & PUT IN A HOME ABRUPTLY SO IM STILL IN SHOCK) Hey! My name is Blair and I’m 28, I have 4 beautiful boys, ages 1,3,5&7. My dad can’t remember their names or how many I have. I’m having a hard time. He was just out into a home in September. He hates it but it’s for his safety. We…
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Feeling helpless
My Mom has entered the later stages of early onset, 68 years old. Since the time change for daylight savings things have gotten worse quickly. Recently, she has had the police called on her for wondering the neighborhood and trying to enter strangers cars. This has all culminated in a fall and a broken foot landing her in…
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"Survivor's" Guilt
I find that in addition to feeling guilty for the pain I am causing my mom by taking away her independence, I feel a form of "survivor's" guilt, in that it is very hard for me to allow myself to enjoy basically ANYTHING. I feel guilty feeling happy when I know she is struggling with so much (grief at the loss of her…