I don't feel like a man anymore

caberr

My DH was diagnosed with AD May 2018.  He has been very different this week.  Yesterday he said I was ruining his credit because I don't charge alot on his credit card.  We have bills deducted from that credit card every month and his credit is great because it's paid every month on time.  He did later apologize and I had to apologize for saying some of the things I said.  I know it's not him but AD doing the talking but it really bothers me when he blames me.

He went on to say he didn't feel like a man anymore.  He used to have money in his pocket and could go out on his own but can't now. I told him he is still a man and we both cried.  He said he doesn't know what he feels like.  

It broke my heart and I can't stop thinking about it.   I can't imagine how hard this is for our loved ones with this disease.  Knowing you have it and knowing you are changing a little bit everyday.  I have to remind myself that he is suffering more than I am.  And keep telling him I love him! 

Ed1937

It's not easy to be blamed for everything when we're here to do what we can for them. But we have to wear a thick skin. 

I try to remember that I have no idea just how bad it is for my wife, but I think it's a lot harder for her than it is for me. That doesn't mean I never lose it.

Crushed

When she gave up her medical license DW cried and asked me if she was a "Doctor" anymore.  I said you will always be a Doctor.   I had shirts made that said Doctor (her name)  She wears them all the time. Her pants are scrubs or as we called them "doctor pants"

But its hard.  As a caretaker I had days when I did not feel like a husband anymore.  That feeling has become permanent

Iris L.

When I had to stop practicing medicine abruptly, I never felt like I was not a doctor.  But other people told me how bad it was that I wasn't a doctor anymore, and that I had wasted my education.  I didn't need that.  Those types of comments put me into a depression until I learned to block them and then rebuild my self-esteem.  

Iris

Jeff86

This disease destroys identity, for both PWD’s and caregivers.

I, too, do not feel like a husband.  When I put my DW to bed and tuck her in, she is like a little girl.  The dynamic between us is hardly that of spouses.  

JJAz

I complimented and 'built up' my husband's ego whenever I could.  "Thank you for providing so much for us."  "You worked so hard to make sure that I'd be taken care of."  Etc., etc., etc.  It made him feel good and that made me feel good too.

Lynne D

It may help to make sure your LO has some pocket money and ask him to pay for things from time to time. I find this helps my husband feel empowered and may lessen the frequency of him accusing me of stealing from him.