what's the right thing to say?

DHVT

Now my wife has the idea that she'd like to apply for a volunteer or paid  job, either shelving books at the library or peeling vegetables at a restaurant. These would be impossible, and put her "employer" in a very embarrasing position.

She wants to approach the head librarian next time she's there. What's the best way to put a stop to this, other than hoping she forgets the idea.

Iris L.

She might be able to volunteer at an animal shelter, emphasis on the word might, with supervision.  Otherwise, she can attend an adult day care center where she can "help out".  She will make too many mistakes for other places.  

Iris L.

MN Chickadee

Some people print little cards to carry with in their pocket, and use them when their LO gets into sticky situations. Restaurants, meltdowns, saying something weird to a stranger.  Something along the lines of "my wife has Alzheimers, thank you for your patience and understanding." You could slip that to the librarian if the two of you run into her and your wife asks about volunteering. Or leave her an email or voicemail saying your wife has dementia and might inquire about work, and the best course of action would be for the librarian to say we aren't looking for help right now but I will keep you in mind in the future or something vague like that. I don't remember what your situation is, but if adult daycare is an option it might really alleviate her desire to work and be useful. My mom was the same way. She volunteered until she was a burden to the organizations, and then felt lost. Daycare allowed her to think she was volunteering, and she kept busy there. She really was able to be useful in the early months which made her content and happy. She cleared tables, helped others with their crafts and activities, cleaned up. As she declined she just started to do less a daycare.

DHVT

Chickadee, you gave me two great suggestions: the cards and the email/voicemail for the librarian. 

Actually, my wife was a school librarian for many years, and one of the local libraries jumped at the chance to have her volunteer. It fell apart when they realized she didn't know the difference between a CD and a DVD. They had to find a diplomatic way of easing her out, but they only told me that the problem was that it took too much time to fix her errors.

abc123

I’m sorry you are in this position. I do admire her for wanting to stay busy. I worked at my local animal shelter and I currently volunteer three days a week at our local pit bull rescue. These are no place for a PWD. It’s very hectic and fast paced work. It can also be extremely dangerous. The administration end of it is no picnic either. I truly hope she can find something that she will enjoy. I wish you both the best!

Sincerely,

abc123

sandwichone123

My LO applied for a couple of jobs online, but got confused/frustrated with the process. I'm waiting for the senior centers to open here and then I'm hoping he can "volunteer" with them.