In 2 days I understood that I can't leave him alone anymore

French

Wednesday evening there was the poop in the bathroom, and this morning something I didn't understand, but I could have been poisoned.

Every morning I get up early to go running or biking. This morning it was cycling. Sports are important to me. 

Usually when I get home an hour later he is up and waiting for me. This morning the lights were on everywhere, the bedroom window was open, but that's usual. I'm thirsty when I get home and I have a water bottle in the kitchen. I usually empty the water left to put fresh water but this morning I didn't do it. There was the equivalent of a big glass left which I drank in one go. When I finished, I found that I had a very bitter taste in my mouth and a strange sensation. I looked at my bottle, it was full of foam. So I looked for the dishwashing liquid, it was no longer on the sink.

We are only the 2 of us at home this week, the children are on holidays. So no doubt, he poured dishwashing liquid in my gourd. Why? This is the question and I know I won’t have the answer.

It's not dangerous but it could have been another product. And I can't figure out why he did it. But I am scared. First, I will hide all the dangerous products.

The situation is getting crazy, if I can't leave him alone anymore, I can't handle it because I have to go out. I can't take him everywhere. I know that many of you do it, but I couldn't do it, I would lose it very quickly. When you think, my first child is 21, the younger 16. I had few time for me for 21 years! I was beginning  to have time, I am unable to renounce to that.

And I have to go out to work, do sport, and for the grocery, every 15 days. If this continues, Not sur I will be able to make it till the end of the year as I have foreseen it.

dayn2nite2

You're probably going to have to place him now if that is the case.  Many of us are virtual prisoners in our homes.  I can work because I work from home but I have to have groceries delivered and there is no such thing as my being able to leave for an hour to exercise.  I have a bike in the house.

DrinaJGB

You will never figure it out so do not even try to. My life has not been mine for eleven years and counting. I no longer take yoga which I loved for years, nor do I go out with friends any longer--for so long actually I can no longer recall when the last time was.I have become a hermit of sorts---especially since covid.

 This is the new reality, and only you can make the decision of how much you can handle and for how much longer. Do not be concerned about being judged because you are the one holding the reins, and only you know what you can and cannot do. Ignore any negativity from well-intentioned people if they "offer" their advice about how you should do things---they are not in your shoes, and until they are they have no power over your decisions.

  Best of luck to you and your family.

This is a very cruel,long, and very,very lonely road to be on. It helps to be able to vent your concerns and frustrations to others here --who actually do know your plight.

ElaineD

Cher amie, French:

From  the posts on this wonderful website, I have learned that the changes in the behavior of our LOWD accelerate over time.

It becomes more and more difficult to predict what will happen 'next':  even the next minute, sometimes.

I hope you can find a secure, caring place for your DH as soon as possible.   

Love, ElaineD

Doityourselfer

French,  You have a lot on your plate right now.   We all have to do what is best for us.  I agree with DrinaJGB that only you can make the decision on how much you can handle.  I wish you the best.

Paris20

French…Paris20 here. We have much in common including our reluctance to join the Blue Glove Brigade. I used to work out every day, aerobics and tennis. Injury led me to give up tennis when I was in my 60s. I continued with low impact aerobic dance until Covid hit. 

My husband shadows me constantly, so it’s all but impossible to go anywhere without him, even though we now have an aide living with us. During the past 18 months my husband’s condition has worsened considerably. He can no longer go to the Y with me for our respective workouts. My classes have not resumed because of Covid resurgence. I bought a stationary bike and already have a treadmill but compared to aerobic dance and Zumba they’re just too boring.

All this is a roundabout way to tell you that as time goes by and DH’s condition inevitably worsens, you will be facing unwanted changes in your life. Strangers may eventually become like family as they enter your life, you may need to seek emotional help for yourself as a caregiver, and seek out new ways to find joy and to maintain your own health. 

This website, alzconnected.org, is an excellent resource. You can connect to services in your area, support groups, lots of information, and recommendations, e.g., legal, medical, that can help you deal with the inevitable. I wish you all the best as you navigate this awful sea of tears. We’re here for each other.

abc123

Dear French, I'm so sorry this is happening. You have to do what is best for you. No body else can judge you. Even though we are all dealing with a loved one who has this terrible disease, we each have a different situation because each PWD is so different. I honestly do not know how you do it as a spouse. My mom has alz., not my spouse. I have so much respect and sympathy for all of you who are caring for a spouse. You are making huge sacrifices every single day because you love him and because you are a good person. If you decide to place him sooner, it doesn't change those facts. Please don't let this disease destroy you too. Your kids need you and you need them. I am very sad for all of you. Please keep posting. We care about you and your family.

JoseyWales

I'm so sorry. I'm right there with you. This sucks.

Sligo177

I'm so sorry you are going through this, you may have to change things up in your home and that's incredibly hard.  Whatever decision you make, it will be made with love and you will be right.  As someone else said in the thread, it sucks. 

I am betting he would do the same for you if the situation were reversed.  It's another next step I guess...I'm sitting here thinking I can keep my husband at home and do it all with a bit of family and some part time help, but when things like this happen you realize that wish may have to change. 

I know you go through a lot every day, I am doing the same.  Honor yourself as well as him. You deserve and need to smile and be happy, I hope you have those moments.