Implementing POA'a--Advice please

Laurie1282

My husband was diagnosed with MCI probably caused by ALZ almost a year ago.  While he is pretty good most of the time, I'm not.  I have always tended towards depression which is a common side effect of my Rheumatoid Arthritis and have been on medication for many years.  The past six months have been really rough, though, and I've even been having full blown anxiety attacks lately. Now I have a prescription for Xanax and see a counselor too.

I know that the anxiety for me is because so much is out of my control.  But, one thing I think would help is if I could get my husband to agree to implement the medical and financial powers of attorney now instead of waiting to have a doc declare him incompetent.  Have any of you been able to get your LOs to do this while they still have enough "ability"?  My husband does not like to admit to his diagnosis, so it will be tricky, but our son might be able to convince him to sign.  Or should I not tackle this yet since it may create more stress and anxiety instead of the hopeful peace of mind for me?    Thanks for your advice and suggestions.

loveskitties

You might want to check with an elder attorney or the one who prepared the documents you reference.

How they were written may influence how they can be implemented. 

Either or both  could be written to require him to be declared incompetent before being activated.

Gig Harbor

For the moment act as though your husband is perfectly normal and tell him that you should get POA’s done. Tell him that you will be his and he will be yours. Ahead of time explain to the lawyer that you want your son to be your POA because your husband is not competent. If your husband thinks it is just a normal event maybe he will go along with it.

Ed1937

Laurie1282 wrote:

My husband does not like to admit to his diagnosis, so it will be tricky, but our son might be able to convince him to sign.  

He likely has anosognosia, which is the inability to realize he has a problem. This condition is pretty common in PWD (people with dementia). When someone has anosognosia, it doesn't matter how much proof you show them that they have dementia, they will not believe it. Someone mixed up their test results with someone else, the doctor is a quack, or they just don't know what they're talking about. But they're fine. No problem. Your son might be able to convince him to sign something, but he won't be able to convince him he has dementia. It's best to to even mention it.

Crushed

As a lawyer I hate and despise so called a "springing power of attorney"  with a passion. 

They are RIDICULOUS,  A non solution to a major problem.  It's especially bad to use a physician to estimate competence as if it is a medical issue IT ISN'T. 

My own DPOA is triggered by my two daughters agreeing in writing (signature page on DPOA) that it should be enforced and proof of notification to me.   That is all it takes,

If I am competent I can revoke it at that time

I m in Germany at the moment will send more latee

Rescue mom

If you already have one, I’d say ask an attorney. Much depends on wording. 

If not: We did POAs together, very matter-of-fact, presented by CPA/accountant as one of several “financial housekeeping” things we needed to do. Nobody made a big thing about it, my DH accepted it. Just some paperwork. Nobody talked about dementia, it was just something everybody needs to do, just in case, you never know etc.

I was POA for him, and he was for me, that is standard practice for many/most couples, as I understand it.  Of course I went back soon, and removed him as my POA. Changing it was very quick and easy, for me at least, as army vet said.

Sligo177

Hi Laurie,

 I can just tell you what I did. Maybe it will help. 

I went ahead and made an appointment with an elder lawyer, one whose family name he was familiar with.  I explained that I wanted to ensure our family benefits from all of his years of hard work, and not lose money to estate taxes.  All true!!! And that I and also a couple of backup people need to have POA, in case something happens to either him OR me.  Which is exactly true!  No one knows what's around the bend. I focused on us taking positive steps, not him losing control.  He was aware he was having problems at the time, but we didn't keep mentioning it.

A good elder lawyer will speak with respect to your DH and make him feel confident he is doing the right thing.  Good luck with this, I know it's hard.  And yes as others have said, you may want to mention your DH's dementia confidentially to your lawyer.

DJnAZ

I realized several years ago my wife was following her mother and grandmother into dementia most likely resulting in alzheimer's. She currently has problems communicating and with comprehension but otherwise seems and functions quite normally. When her neurologist diagnosed MCI, or early onset dementia, in March I knew it was time to get legal matters more in order.

We both have DPA's with hers naming me as her Attorney in Fact and then my daughter in case I am unable. My DPA names my daughter as Attorney in Fact and my wife as secondary. My wife is no longer capable of making decisions, especially on legal or medical issues. Since we have very small families my daughter agreed to serve as Attorney in Fact on all of our legal documents. 

We also have advanced medical directives essentially set up the same way. Although we can never be certain we are totally covered legally, I feel better knowing we have these documents in place.