Minor wins--hey I'll take them

M1

I've made some progress just doing things without any discussion with my partner.  This is a definite change that has taken getting used to.  But:  first, to follow up on an old thread, at the advice of this forum I turned all the ringers off on our landline, which has greatly decreased the nuisance factor of the scam calls and has WORKED to keep her from answering them.  She never noticed the difference.  I just have to remember to turn one of the ringers back on (on the kitchen phone) if I'm actually expecting a call that I need to answer.

I've also been successful at not renewing her most frequently used credit card--she's not missed it--and at just scheduling work around the farm without letting her know it's happening.  We had some roof work done for our cabin tenant, and just didn't tell her when it was happening; the tenant and I handled it, and she's forgotten all about it.  And I've scheduled work on the fence and the driveway gate without getting pushback--in the past, she would have insisted this was her bailiwick, and wanted multiple bids, etc. which she can no longer manage.  So like I say, minor wins, but I'll take what I can get.  As she gets worse, the resistance is decreasing, and maybe I'm getting better at workarounds too.

Now if I could just keep her from overfeeding the animals and not turning the heaters up to 80 in the chicken house.  Have to go behind her on all these to keep the animals from suffering.  

abc123

Hi M1, I'm happy to hear about these wins! Good for you. Just stay on top of the animal issues to keep them safe. You are doing a GREAT job!

SSHarkey

It’s the little things for sure! But they can mean so much! You’re smart picking up behind her with the chores. I do that. No reason to degrade an attempt to help with criticism. 

Beachfan

Yes, these are minor wins, but they make life easier for you.  I think you nailed it …..“as she gets worse, the resistance is decreasing.”  This is exactly the path Alz followed in our home, until, sadly, DH could do nothing for himself, or by himself.  Easier in so many ways, but so much loss to mourn.  Stay strong; one day at a time.

LadyTexan

Congrats on the wins. I don't see them as minor. Anything that makes your day a little easier is something to celebrate. Well done M1!!

Jeff86

Victories are hard to come by on this road, so each and every one is worthy of celebration.  Good workarounds you’ve discovered, M1.  This caregiving thing is all about resilience and the ability to pivot!

Well played!

Doityourselfer

Sounds like you're on top of things, M1.  Keep up the good work!

Joydean

Any and all victories are worth celebrating! Great job and congratulations!

Stuck in the middle

Turning off the scam calls isn't minor.  Those people will break you if they can.  Good job!

Farm Gal

So wonderful for you!   Your way of handling problems is really similar to mine.  My DH has always repaired everything but once he was unable to do any repairs I just took him away for the day and had the company come in to re-roof the house, put new siding on the house,  new wiring to the barn, etc.  Now he is doing just like you have said -- resistance is decreasing.  I can even leave him with a caregiver to get away for a few hours and he doesn't put up a fuss.

pluviophile

I would call these big wins.  Anything that is making life easier for you and for her is big.  Good for you.

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M1

I am so, so grateful for all of you, I swear I couldn't do this now without the support that is here.  Thank you.

Victoria, there's just a plug-in radiator in the chicken house (and a space heater when it gets really cold, to protect the water pipes).  No way to block the controls, I think I just have to keep doing what I'm doing and go behind her--fairly easy to do, because the dog and I go "check the chickens" every morning and night.  There's only three left, and I'm not going to get any more (though I will miss them and the eggs).  We had a wonderful time a few years back building the chicken house together.  I hadn't done anything electric since high school physics, but (with a lot of YouTube help) we wired it ourselves and so far eight years on haven't fried anybody (or any chicken unintentionally!).  Very fun to remember.  I also had the amazing experience of witching the water line when we put plumbing in.  Was skeptical before that, but it was amazing.  

As for the pet food, it's "wet" canned food for the cats that she's obsessed about.  I do try to hide it (and buy only small cans), but this will still set her off.  Feeding the animals, keeping track of how many there are, and finances/money are the things that she obsesses about the most.