Do you ever wonder if you're doing what really needs to be done?

Ed1937

Every so often I let things slide that should be done because I don't want the argument. Then I wonder if I'm doing right by her. Do any of you have that same feeling?

Neverends

You are not alone. I do it all the time with my mother. Don't fret. Cut yourself a break  you've  earned it.

M1

All the time Ed. All the time. I have to continually remind myself to take it a day at a time and that if its not an acute safety issue, it can be let go.

Stuck in the middle

If she has food, shelter, clothing, medical care, and cute shoes, the rest is optional.  You're doing a good job, don't sweat the small stuff

karwiy

I often do - whether it's a shower,  change of clothes that he's been sleeping in for a few nights -  I've learned to let it go;  it's better for both of us to minimize the agitation and in doing so, improves the day and our moods.

Stuck in the middle

I may prune the rose bushes tomorrow, before the snow predicted for Saturday.  If I have time, after I stock up on groceries and do the other things that HAVE to be done.  

DW and I need to be fed, dressed, medicated, and housed.  Rose bushes are optional.

Joydean

It seems there are so many things that need to be done, did I get both bathrooms mopped and cleaned? Husband wants to go for a ride, and I just want to sit down and not have to think for a few minutes. I get husband in the car and away we go for his ride! That will only make him happy for a short period of time, but I have mopped those darn floors! Make him happy even for a little while! Is the world going to end if I don’t get everything done? I think of Scarlet in Gone with the Wind, I’ll think of that tomorrow.

Ed1937

Thanks for the replies. That makes me feel better.

Stuck in the middle wrote:

If she has food, shelter, clothing, medical care, and cute shoes, the rest is optional.  You're doing a good job, don't sweat the small stuff

OK, Stuck. Now I have to buy her some cute shoes.

White Crane

Ed, keeping my husband safe and happy is what really needs to be done. The house needs to be dusted and the floors need to be mopped. And they will be but maybe not today. Maybe today we’ll play cards or go for a ride. And I’ll feel stressed because the dusting and the mopping didn’t get done but the smile on my husband’s face is worth it. You’re doing a wonderful job taking care of your wife.

David J

Ed, my wife is beyond cute shoes, though she insisted on wearing heels well into stage 6. I now have a plethora of expensive shoes, women's size 6 1/2.

abc123

Ed, you are a wonderful person. Don’t sweat the small stuff! I understand what you’re saying though. Dust bunnies are currently stressing me out. You are well loved!

Beachfan

Ed,

Relax and indulge yourself (if you can).  As you know, DH has been in a MCF for 9 weeks today, and guess what?  There is dust in the bedroom, messy snow boot drippings inside the door, the glass shower enclosure needs scrubbing and I DON’T CARE!  A Martha Stewart wanna’ be in my former life, I am now doing all the things I missed while caring for DH 24/7.  I curl up with a good book and a cup of tea on these miserable, gray afternoons, I stay up late and binge on Netflix and I’ve been known to have tortilla chips and salsa for dinner.  It’s all good.  You are, indeed, a wonderful caregiver, but you deserve a break now and then.  We’ll never tell. 

jfkoc

Oh, yes. I worried that I was leaving a stoned unturned...other days I could have cared less...lol

Newbernian

I  have my disclaimer hanging next to my front door.  A plaque I bought years ago.  "Martha Stewart doesn't live here..Neither does Bob Villa".  More true now then it was when I bought it.

Last Dance

Ed always doing the right thing is next to impossible. What is possible is doing the best you can and making sure she is safe. No matter what you do or how hard you try you will always have the feeling that you should be doing something more. My Linda has been gone for 4 years and 7 months and there are days I wonder did I do enough, should I have changed her more when it upset her and made her cry, should I have forced her into the shower or just  kept her clean with a sponge bath. Should I have tried coconut oil or herbal drugs or half the other things people said worked for some one they knew Or did I do right thing that the neurologist suggested? I did respect her and she spent an hour to an hour and a half at each appointment and she always wanted to make sure I was OK.   Alzheimer's is a disease that not only effects the patient but sometime the care giver even more. I feel by reading your post that you are doing an excellent job, and she is blessed to have you. Take one day at a time and some days it's just one hour at a time. in my book your a winner. God's Blessings to you Richard (Linda loved her cute slippers and that's what I sent to heave with.)

Cherjer

Ed...I am stressed all the time trying to keep my husband cared for, keeping house clean(which needs it now) and all the other things that go on in daily life! My mistake was getting a puppy who is now nine months and needs so much attention. Thought it would be great for my husband but not so much. You are a wonderful caregiver for your wife so let it go and enjoy moments with her.

JoseyWales

Ed, from everything you've ever written, I understand you to be a super caregiver. Your wife is lucky to have you.

For me, I know I'm not doing enough. But I'm doing what matters. If DH is content, I'm good with whatever happens. He sleeps on the couch? Fine. He's sleeping.  He doesn't want to change clothes for the 3rd day in a row? Whatever. He wants to go on another drive in the car, and the dishes aren't done? Let's go.

My house is beginning to show lack of care. It's a mess. Unorganized closets, because I throw things in there to hide from DH. A bathtub that needs a really good scrub. Rocks in every corner of my house (SO MANY ROCKS). All that can wait. Eventually I'll find time. For now - DH is content and all is good. 

Gmom28

I'm new to this message board and WOW!!!! You all are amazing. I am feeling every bit of what you all are posting. My DH age 64 is who I am caring for. I feel so much better hearing all your stories. I will try my best to not worry about the cleaning and housekeeping as much as I do. Going on those daily rides in the car or daily walks will be more of a priority. I think both of us will benefit from this.

Stuck in the middle

Welcome, Gmom.

My mother told me that her aunt, on her deathbed, said "I have wasted my life cleaning this house.  It isn't clean now, and it doesn't matter."

Stuck in the middle

Stuck in the middle wrote:

If she has food, shelter, clothing, medical care, and cute shoes, the rest is optional.  You're doing a good job, don't sweat the small stuff

I meant hugs, not cute shoes.

M1

I heard a great storyteller once say that "no one ever died wishing they had done more housework."  IDK, my OCD partner may be the exception to that rule....

Stuck in the middle

So, the gravedigger was looking pensive, and the undertaker asked him what was wrong.  The gravedigger responded, "I was just regretting all the time I wasted playing baseball when I was a boy, when I could have been practicing my future profession in the septic pit."