My Mother's Day Weekend

Inden Mom

I don't know how to start this post but long story short.. my DH who is 60 with Alzheimer's, had a violent outburst for the first time last night while our grand daughter was in bed with us like she has been the past couple months. I woke up my son and daughter in law since I was afraid and even more so afraid that my grand daughter had to witness such negative behavior.  The outburst lasted for probably 2 minutes and then DH sat in living room and realized he had done something wrong and apologized numerous times.  We went back to bed and I could tell he was just quietly lying down and probably wondering what just happened to him. He continued to apologize to me and my reply was simply, please go to bed.  Luckily the outburst wasn't extreme violence, but he tried to grab my leg while I was lying down but I moved quickly away from him while protecting our grand daughter. The look of rage in his face is what I can't erase from my mind. I have never seen that look in him. He then walked out the room and sat in living room for quite awhile and from my observation, he was probably thinking what in the world just happened or what did he just do.

My heart was so broken for our grand daughter for she does not deserve to witness such behavior, luckily the parents were so quick to come up with. ..."papa was probably dreaming to tickle you and Nana..."

DH woke up this morning not knowing or realizing or remembering what had happened last night. 

This Mother's Day morning, I had already planned to attend Sunday service and have some quiet time alone. I had missed the 830am mass so I drove around to kill time for the 11am mass. I drove into the parking lot of the church and had made an attempt to exit and not attend service after all, but of all days, it is today that I really need some spiritual healing and comfort, so I finally parked the car and sat for the entire service.  I was literally choking and sobbing throughout the service and thankfully I had a face mask on so it wasn't really obvious. So many emotions running through my head, sad, alone, fearful.....

I realized today that I need to put on an armour/shield and to expect that it might occur again. I need to protect those around me and ensure no one is in harm's way. 

Has anyone experienced something similar? If so, any tips should another outburst occur?

Thank you for reading this. I just needed to pour it out and release some of my emotions.

Hope your Mother's Day is going great!!

Buggsroo

Inden mom, firstly I am sorry you had this experience. I think you will have to discuss this with the parents of the child and put guards up so your grandchild is never in harm’s way. I am no therapist but I would be concerned about this behaviour. 

I am sorry you were upset at mass. It isn’t easy having to be on guard and worrying about what the pwd might get up to. Sending you a virtual hug.

jmlarue

Sad to say, I've been through it and it is a very scary thing. The Geri-Psych doctor's opinion was that it was the result of a vivid dream. The fact that your DH was able to feel regret within a couple of minutes means he was not really awake when it happened (in spite of the eyes-wide-open look of menace). That can't minimize the obvious risk he poses to you or anyone else when these vivid dreams occur. If your DH has a Geriatric Primary or Geri-Psych doctor, I would consult with them about it. My DH's Primary doc is pretty useless when it comes to dementia issues, but perhaps yours is better. I stopped sharing the bed with my DH. I tried to spare his feelings by making excuses for staying up later and just never going to bed with him. I am also never without my cell-phone or a plan for escape if I need it. I'd like to encourage you to not suffer in silence. Talk to your Priest about the challenges you are facing. Aside from finding a sympathetic ear, he may be able to point you to ways your church family can help you and your DH as dementia progresses.

Inden Mom

Thank you. It means so much to me.

Joydean

Inden, I’m so sorry you had to go through that and for your granddaughter. Just my opinion but you might want to have your granddaughter be with her parents for now. I’m glad your DH was able to have regrets for his actions. Sorry your Mother’s Day was so hard. Prayers for you and your family. This road we are all on is scary, and life changing. Seems to change every day and none of it for the good. It just gets harder. 

Be kind to yourself! 

Ed1937

Inden, what a scary thing for both you and your granddaughter! I'm sorry for you, your granddaughter, and your DH. 

It does sound like a vivid dream to me, and I hope it doesn't happen again. But your granddaughter probably shouldn't sleep with you, at least for a while. 

Like jmlarue, I think talking to your favorite priest is a good idea. That can provide local support that you can't get here.

Inden Mom

UPDATES  - I gave DH some night time nyquil last night and he slept fairly well. Our granddaughter is back to sleeping with her parents and thankfully she had displayed nothing different towards her Papa and seemed like her old self.  Doc quickly prescribed some sleep aids and we will try it out tonight.

Appreciate everyone's comments/feedback/suggestions and well wishes.

Have a nice evening.