What's next????

Kenzie56

Right when I think I can handle things a little longer...DH takes another turn down the rapids.  We have/had an exercise physiologist come 3X/week for an hour and a home aide that comes/came twice a week for 4 hours. Last week, the exercise guy comes in and tells me that DH struck him while they were on a walk.  Seems DH was walking in front of him and they came to a fork...DH took the wrong path.  When the exercise guy called him to come his way, DH rushed up to him and punched him hard in the shoulder. This was shocking as DH had not been physically aggressive towards anyone prior to this.  I called his PCP and she added an anti-anxiety med and also doubled his Seroquel.  (He is also on Memantine and Donepezil.) At this time no assistance is coming our way until he stabilizes on the new medication change. I understand this as no one wants to put employees in harms way - but I am walking on eggshells without a break in sight. DH says he doesn't want anyone in the home.  I'm now locked in our home 24/7 and have groceries delivered...waiting to see what is next. DH is still #1 on waitlist for MC facility.  I do have a "go bag" for me and the dogs and a plan in case things take another turn.  Wish I had a crystal ball. It is still amazing to me how DH plateaus and dips...I never seem ready for the dip as much as I try.

Ed1937

Kenzie, I'm sorry. Do you think your DH might have been playing when he hit the other guy on the shoulder?

ButterflyWings

Oh no... sorry this happened. Ed may be right. Especially if this is a first time behavior. I hope they don’t penalize him and you unduly. 

I also wonder if the PT raised his voice to be heard and to get his attention (probably). Your DH could have perceived it as yelling at him. Might have been embarrassed or felt attacked. That has happened with my DH before where he’ll say “why are you screaming at me?” when I’m barely raising my voice to be heard over the radio or something like that. Nothing physical happened but it took him a while to regroup afterwards. 

It reminds me of the advice we get on communicating with PWDs and monitoring facial expressions. I have learned to moderate my tone and volume too. Hoping this works out well, and soon. And welcome to my world with the homebound thing. Hang in there. 

Pat6177

Kenzie56, I’m sorry about the dip. And for the sudden change. Sudden changes throw me for a loop. And then the waiting is always hard for me. And you are waiting - for another dip, for DH to be accepted to MC, for the medication change to take effect, for the exercise guy and the caregiver to return. Waiting with no idea of when these things will happen. And to be stuck in the house while you’re waiting just adds to the tension. I’m sorry you’re going through this right now. Hang in there, things will change.

Kenzie56

Thank you for your support - that really helps get me through the day.  Regarding the punch in the shoulder, my DH was quite upset when they returned and it took all day to calm him down. The exercise guy (EG) was also quite upset.  DH is 6'3, 215 lbs and he landed quite a blow according to EG.  DH does not like being told what to do in a commanding voice...I do think perhaps EG did raise his voice to get his attention and that startled him. EG has normally been very calm and quiet around him - so this would have been out of character for EG and confusing for DH. A couple months ago, I had asked EG if he could try to get DH to learn to walk next to him because when I walk with DH, he walks in front and I struggle to keep up. I am afraid he will walk in front of a car. (EG never thought this was important) Since the incident, DH has been walking slower and next to me (shock). I decided to ask him to hold my hand so I won't fall and that was the ticket. Thank goodness. I don't know if it is the change in medication or the quiet house since the home assistance ended, but DH has been calmer.  When I mentioned seeing if we could get EG back - DH is addiment about him NEVER returning.  He acts paranoid or afraid of him. I'll let a month pass and hopefully he will forget. Things I want him to remember, he can never seem to remember (my name, grandkids, special occasions, where the bathroom is, etc) and things I want him to forget (bad relationship with his brother, car accident, neg experiences with certain doctors) are cemented in his brain. This journey is a complex one...hopefully this will resolve itself. I agree tone and body language make a big difference. I do know he doesn't understand me on the first try most of the time. I have to rephrase, point, use one or two words, etc., to communicate. Possible that DH completely misunderstood what EG was saying. Thanks for your responses.

ImMaggieMae

Maybe you’re not getting the whole story from EG. Might he have said something rude to your DH when he didn’t turn around? You’ll probably never know for sure but if he hasn’t done anything like this before, I would maybe not take EG’s account of the situation as the last word.