Yesterday's Placement Went Well

John1965

Thanks to all for support in other recent posts!

Yesterday started with a combined sense of determination and dread. The butterflies in my stomach were hard to contain.

DW's placement could not have gone any better! Her older sister accompanied us for support.

We started the day by walking our dog (poor guy was about to spend a long day alone), and then going out for breakfast. After that, we headed for the MC facility. The director met us in the parking lot and greeted DW by name and invited her in for an exercise class and other activities.  Once in the door, DW gave me a very knowing look that said, "This is it!" but she didn't hesitate to keep going forward. In many ways I think she was relieved (more about that later). We went to her room that was set up with furniture that I'd delivered earlier in the week. Nurses gave her a quick health screening (temp. bp) and she was taken to the exercise class. Her sister brought some music and played some piano hymns for the residents. This allowed DW to sing for an audience for the first tine since January 2020 (Covid ended her participation in choir).  I used this time to move in DW's clothes and personal items. It only took me 15 minutes. So, I joined the exercise class that quickly ended because there was another music event about to start in the lobby. DW was excited to help some of the more frail residents make their way down the hall. She loves to help and feel useful, and AD has stolen opportunities to do so from her. There was a very good piano player/singer who played excellent choices for over an hour. DW sang along and danced with her sister. It was the first time in what seemed forever that she was genuinely smiling and having a good time. Before the concert ended, the director told DW that her sister and I needed to go, but that she would be staying. Without fanfare or too much emotion, I gave her a hug and kiss and left her smiling and clapping along to the music. 

Back to DW's relief. I believe that much of DW's recent frustration with life (maybe sundowning, maybe depression, maybe just a manifestation of her ever declining abilities) was mental fatigue from dealing with the seeming randomness of daily life. Even though we have routine, simple choices were exhausting for her. Family, caregiver, and I would give her choices. In hindsight, choices were overly taxing. While we were trying to be polite and accommodating, she was overwhelmed by not being able to make a simple "this or that?" determination for herself. Another positive I saw was having a sense of purpose. She was getting to the stage of seemingly strange activities (paper shredding, folding/refolding clothes, rubbing green tomatoes in the belief it would ripen them, etc.). After only 20 minutes in the facility, she exercised her natural helper instinct by helping other residents with balance. It's easy to imagine her feeling like a helper in the new setting, which will boost her self-esteem. 

This was a good move for both of us. The timing was just right. I'm looking forward to improving my own health, structuring my days around exercise and visiting DW. 

There will certainly be rocky days ahead; it is a progressive disease. But DW will get appropriate stimulation and care that I alone could never provide. Letting go of the notion that taking care of her was a test of my commitment and vows was a game changer in my thinking about placement. I'm feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time. 

Beachfan

Wonderful to hear of the smooth transition.  I hope DW’s contentment and your peace of mind continue.  Best wishes. One day at a time.

Vitruvius

I am very glad your placement went so well. The transition for her will probably be easier than your own adapting to the next phase of your life. It sounds like you will be able to visit right away if you choose. As a fellow traveler I wish you the very best.

Jeff86

John,

Thanks for sharing your placement experience.   Sounds like it couldn’t have gone any better, even as we appreciate the anticipation you had in advance.  

The insight you shared regarding your change of mindset is also much appreciated.  It’s a testament to your love and concern for your DW’s well-being that you placed her, not a disproof of your love and commitment.

Hope things continue to go well.  Odd but true that yours may be the more challenging adjustment.  Stay strong!

Hoot619

I'm so happy for you, I just wish all of us could experience the same.  Your wife has really set in and helping others already. It has to make you and her sister very happy and also your wife.   Hoot

Joydean

So glad for you and your wife and SIL that placement so very well. To be able to give her back the ability to be herself and help others. What a beautiful blessing. Thank you for sharing. Take care of yourself now. 

John1965

 Thanks to all!

Hoot, you and your journey have been on my mind for the part couple of weeks. As bad as this disease is, DW and I have been fortunate to have support and resources. I wish your situation were better. You mentioned your location and geography a few times. My DW was born in the UP and family still has cabins up north. Marquette is one of my favorite places. You are in my thoughts. 

John

Ed1937

What a glowing post! It's really good to see when things go the way we all wish they would. It sounds like smooth sailing for both of you. I hope you can transition as easy as it sounds she will.

toolbeltexpert

John I am so glad your dw is doing well, this was for me the hardest thing I have ever done. My home was been quiet for 3 months now. I visit her every day. Today was about 3 hrs. I came home and setup a yard sale. It takes hrs of work and not one person has come. I am hoping that tomorrow will be better. I am starting to see that hanging on to somethings is unnecessary, she won't be home.

Dio

So good to hear a success story! Kudos to you... Now start taking care of yourself. I wish I could be in the same place right now. I truly think I will not have any hesitation or regrets placing DH when the time comes.

saltom

John, Thanks for posting this. For those of us who have MC placement in the future it's a great example of how a successful placement should be handled.  So glad it went well for all of  you.

Joe C.

John, Great news that the transition went smoothly. I know that when I placed DW it was harder on me than her. Be kind to yourself in the coming weeks, it takes time to settle in to a new routine.