Decline in mom's health into what seems to be the end

oehlsena

Here's my story. Since last January I've  helped with caregiving for a family member. In May I took over usually caregiving full time but I co-care also with her son, my partner. Her condition varies a lot. Sometimes pretty cognizant and other times totally immobile and incoherent with lots of shades in between. Over the summer I spent just about every waking hour with her because she has a fall risk and her son wanted her constantly monitored. I spent, I don't know how much time, explaining to her, who I did not think knew who I was, that they cannot walk anymore without assistance. Those who are familiar with anagnosia will understand how successful those attempts were. I was hospitalized last month and while in recovery, with her less monitored, her condition dropped so quickly. She had a few hard falls on her bottom and now she is bedbound with no broken bones and will walk with much assistance. We have a doctor appointment on Monday.

I've been telling my partner lately that I need therapy for help dealing with it all.

mabeene

Being able to talk to someone who gets it and does not judge you is a tremendous help, and this forum has helped me a lot during the last 7 years. I would imagine that if you can get out with some friends or family from time to time would also help lift the spirits in an otherwise sad lonely life of caregiving. If you live in a city maybe, you could find a support group to join. As far as seeming to be near the end, we have thought that many of times throughout our journey and she is like the energizer bunny, she keeps going and going. Just when you start to count her out, she hits a steady spot and though she doesn't improve, of course, she doesn't worsen. She had a stroke 3 years ago and with each year since I have thought she won't be here for her next birthday, or holiday but her she will be 97 next week if she makes it that long. You just never know how long they might last in whatever condition they may be in short of active dying. I'm not good at suggesting resources but others should chime in, and they can have a lot of knowledge and good suggestions on what you are going through. I'm more of the listener and sympathizer. I just wanted to let you know that someone is here listening and can relate to what you are going through and the feelings that go along with this role of caregiving.

Iris L.

I don't know about the therapy but I do know that you do need HELP!  One person cannot caregive 24/7.  Your LO needs a team of healthy, strong people, you just got out of the hospital. How is your recuperation going?  You don't want to relapse.  Until you can find a support group, the members here will be your online support group.  Keep posting, it will help you!

Iris L.

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m thinking that with her decline, this may be a good time to seek a hospice evaluation.  Can’t hurt.  You may get another level of support if she’s admitted. Hospice doesn’t necessarily mean it’s near the end with dementia patients although they’ll be established and ready if it is.  My moms been on hospice for 1 1/2 years.  They’re about to discharge her because she seems stable, even though she’s on a steady physical decline.  She’s completely bed bound now, just over a month. She doesn’t tolerate getting up at all.  She can feed herself 50% of the time when food is placed in front of her.  As hospice says, “she could be like this for a year”.  I’ll clarify that she’s at home.

This may not be the end at all,  just a new transition.  I’m not friends with the never ending transitions of this stupid disease.