won't go to appointments

notjolly

Well my brothers neuro testing was to be tomorrow. He won't go. He says there is something fishy about it and he isn't going to go. I can't make him. He doesn't want to go to any of his appointments.

I have no POA so I can't make him. What do you suggest? I waited till he was in a good mood and til the day before so he wouldn't be obcessing over it. I think he knows he has a mental problem and he doesn't want someone making it official. 

What to do, make it for another month and hope he will go. Or forget it. and move on.

Martin Robbins

For me, personally, and some others on this board, the POAs were important to have.  I had sll the "advanced directives" done 6-1/2 years ago.  It wasn't long thereafter that my mother could no longer recognize my youngest brother, her executor.  And, she p[assed two weeks ago.

Maybe that will help to give you an idea of what time you do, or do not have, to get these documents.

harshedbuzz

notjolly-

I think this boils down to the bigger picture.

You need to decide what role you are willing to assume in your brother's last years/months. 

I would not personally provide a home or care for someone in a dementia situation unless I also had the legal means to make decisions on their behalf. Since you do not have a POA, that means either guardianship or conservatorship through the courts. This, alas, is the nuclear option so timing is absolutely critical-- you need to wait until the PWD is impaired enough that you'll succeed but before they've made decisions that leave them indigent.

I know 2 people who had to obtain guardianship of a LO because there was no POA. The first was fairly straightforward although there were a lot of moving parts because of the PWD's wealth. The second was trickier because the PWD had enough cognitive reserve to fight the guardianship. In both cases, ME and PA, the judge ordered a neurocognitive assessment of the individuals which meant they couldn't avoid testing. In latter case, the sons (both physicians) weren't even able to have dad medically evaluated until they had the legal means to do so. 

HB

notjolly

I have no POA because I didn't  know until little over 3 mos. ago he even had any issue. He is too far along as per two lawyers to get a POA . I have no chose as to what I want to do with him. I don't want him living with me but I am his only relative and he was discharged from the hospital to me because there wasn't anyone else. He has prostate cancer with a 2 yr. life expectance. I don't have the money or the time to do guardianship. I don't want any of this. I'm stuck with it. If he doesn't want to go to doctors I just don't care anymore. My health is more important than trying to fight him to go to doctors. So I'm forgetting it and moving on. When he can't walk and the pain is too much for him with the cancer then I may be able to get him to a doctor. Until then...... I'm taking care of me.