CStrope, I'm answering your question

Ed1937

CStrope wrote:

I'm wondering if those who are dealing with EOD think more about future relationships than others.  

Maybe. Or maybe we just think of relationships differently. I am easily old enough to be your father. It's going on four months since my wife passed on. I still visit her grave once or twice a week, and I still find myself in tears every so often. The pain from her death will be here for a very long time. 

It hasn't been that long, but to be honest, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to maybe have lunch with another lady, enjoy nature together, share a joke, or just enjoy each other's company. Just a member of the opposite sex to be close with. That does not mean she would take the place of my wife. That can't happen. I couldn't possibly love another woman the way I loved my wife, and I'm sure nobody will ever love me the way she did. It took a lifetime for us to get what we had together. What I lost is lost forever. That may not be true for someone your age.

PlentyQuiet

CStrope - 

I am also younger (50) and dealing with a spouse with EOAD. I do think about the future quite a bit. If this runs the average timespan I will be widowed in my late 50s. Perhaps having a spouse in MC in my mid 50s. 

Depending on how this goes, will there be enough of me left to be able to find companionship for the last 30 years of my life? Will I be so changed by this experience that finding a lasting relationship (married or not) be possible? Some days I think yes, some days no. Some days hell no!

DH was diagnosed very early stages, and that gave us the benefit of time. Time to get legal papers in order, time to get finances in shape, and time to have important conversations.

DH is deeply sorry for what I will have to go through and is grateful for all I do. However his best gift to me has been to state that when it is time for placement to not feel guilt. And that it is okay to seek companionship. He vowed to love honor and cherish and in his mind he is still cherishing me by granting me the freedom to find happiness after this nightmare. And to be clear he meant while he was in MC, not just after his passing. He has also made this clear to our children to avoid future wrong ideas.

Will I? I really think it depends on what is left of me. I will take care of him until it is not possible. But at that time I will have to see what shape I'm in. 

I do think about this quite a bit since there may be so much time in stage 8.

CStrope

PlentyQuiet, as always, so well put.  

Ed1937, I know that it won't be easy when my DH passes, but I also know that I will have to decide how I plan on living the rest of my life.  Like I've said in other posts, I was always the life of the party, not so much any more.  I miss that person dearly, and I hate the person that cries herself to sleep every night, not just from sorrow, but more from loneliness.

Marta

My husband developed EOAD in his fifties. I was also in my fifties. Five years after diagnosis, he entered MC, not knowing me.

Months later, by happenstance, I met and fell in love with a mental health counselor (not mine), with whom I shared a common language. My husband continued his decline in MC.

Eight months after we met, my new friend was diagnosed with glioblastoma. Tumor debulking resulted in left-sided paralysis and subsequent care in ECF’s. The last six weeks of his life I cared for him in my home, as his 28 year old son OD’d just as his father was being discharged to his care.

I buried father and son.  Funerals were attended by my friend’s many friends and patients. Never did I get a hint of judgment from anyone who was aware of my situation. My family attended the funerals.  On the other hand, I was not interested in anyone else’s opinion about this situation.  

Both my husband and my friend are gone.  I have no regrets. 

Dio

At the end of the day, it's the person in the mirror you have to answer to. Your conscience, morals, ethics and beliefs will dictate your actions. No one else can walk in your footsteps.

Jo C.

Dearest (((Marta))), I had no idea and am so very sorry for all that happened in the way it did.  You have done so much for so many and have held your own professional life in good stead throughout all that was happening.   May you have many blessings both large and small come your way. 

J.

Marta

Dear Jo. I aspire to be as kind as you.

CStrope

Marta those 8 months you shared with your friend were too short, but I'm glad you had them.  

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.