If you're thinking of getting rid of your LOs stuff

Ed1937

We've all heard that we shouldn't make major decisions soon after losing a LO. That can also be said of making lesser decisions. About a month after my wife died, I decided it was time to get rid of a lot of her things. I had our girls come over, and take what they wanted, with the rest to go to Goodwill. My wife had maybe 30 or so necklaces, and the girls each took one. Most did not have real value, costing probably less than fifty dollars each. But they were all nice. One of our daughters asked me if they could give them to a women's shelter to give to the women staying there. Of course I approved that. Then she said she had one that said "Ed and Carole" on it. Didn't I want it? "No. Get rid of it". Now that they're all gone, I wish I would have kept it. It meant a lot to her, and it would mean a lot to me. But it's gone. Big mistake on my part.

I still have a few of her best clothes, some never worn. Many others were food stained, and went in the garbage. I also have two totes of miscellaneous things that belonged to her, and I don't want to open them. In a few days, it will be four months since her passing. I have tears running down my cheeks as I'm writing this. I thought this part was over since I haven't cried for a week or so. But it's not over, and I don't know if it will ever be.

So if you're thinking of getting rid of your LOs stuff, take your time. Don't make a mistake like I did.

M1

Oh Ed, I can feel your grief.  You know, you are entirely right about needing to wait--longer than we think sometimes, many times.  You also never know what things will end up being important or have sentimental value. 

Sometimes I have read that the six-month time frame for grief can be the worst.  You are approaching that for your wife's death--and I am at that point for losing my partner to memory care.  I keep hoping it's going to get better.  I keep reminding myself that the shadows enhance the light.  

Hang in there friend.

60 falcon

I can relate to this. I haven't gotten rid of anything yet. I just can't even though I sometimes want to.  I'm making some pillows out of a few of Pat's favorite shirts to give to the kids for Christmas.  I'm not much for at sewing, lol, but I've made one so far and it turned out nice.

jfkoc

My husband died 6 years ago. Still finding homes for his things. There is a small drawer with 8 pairs of glasses, several passports, some"treasures from his childhood, a Dunhill lighter, an Air America reunion key chain, his navy wings, all the cards I sent him, a broken Valentine Day's cookie andmore. 

I am better at clearing out my things!

Judith

toolbeltexpert

Ed I do understand this. I have been contemplating taking the things my wife wanted to give away and making a long trip to New England and giving them out. When I was moving everything from the second floor to the first I found a paper my wife had written it was titled  My final wishes. I cried when I read it, but I fully intend on following it, but don't know if I can do it before she passes. Her sister is coming in November and I am sure she is gonna want to go thru stuff! Not sure how I am gonna handle that?

Ed1937

Stewart, just tell her that you've been warned not to get rid of anything until time passes to the point where you are sure of what you are doing. And you're not close to being there yet.

Last Dance

 Ed I certainly understand your thoughts, and I feel bad for you. My Linda passed away five years ago in June, and I still have not gotten rid of anything of hers. Like your Jan, Linda had a lot of jewelry most of it within the 25-to-50-dollar range, however she did have some necklaces that were worth a couple $100 she had one that was worth $2000 that one I gave to our daughter. She had rings that ranged from $200.00 to $1000.00 those also went to my daughter. I have two granddaughters one is 14 years old, and one is 12 years old, over the course of the last five years the younger one always asks if she could have some of grandma’s necklaces, but I said no. They were the cheaper ones not the more expensive ones. One day I thought to myself that I should let her have them because someday I'm going to die and who knows where they would go to. They are responsible girls and I know that they will take care of them, so I let each of them take 3 necklaces of their choice. I know of a person that makes Teddy Bears and I thought this year I would have her make one for my daughter, my son, my granddaughters, and my great granddaughters.  I know that I will eventually have to deal with my wife's clothing and some of her other things. I will keep some of her special outfits that I liked on her I will keep all the anniversary cards, the birthday cards, and Christmas cards we gave to each other. I will keep all the little notes that she sent me. I have them in a special box And I have told my children that when I pass away, they are to get rid of this stuff because it means nothing to them it was just Linda’s and my love that we had for each other. Dealing with your loved one’s personal possessions it's just part of the whole grieving Process that we all go through, some people deal with it easier and quicker than others and some hang on longer than maybe they should but that's life. My suggestion to anybody who is in this process is to pack things in a box and set them aside and after year if you feel you don't want them, then you can get rid of them, I'm not saying this is the right way it's just a thought.  God’s Blessings to all of you who are in this situation as you move forward with out your love one Richard

June45

60 falcon wrote:

I can relate to this. I haven't gotten rid of anything yet. I just can't even though I sometimes want to.  I'm making some pillows out of a few of Pat's favorite shirts to give to the kids for Christmas.  I'm not much for at sewing, lol, but I've made one so far and it turned out nice.

Oh wow Steve! I am impressed that are actually making the pillows yourself!  Your sons are going to love them. 

JoseyWales

I haven't gotten rid of much, either. Although almost all his clothes are now gone. That was easier, because he's lost a lot of weight and nothing he had here would fit him now. I kept a few items, but the rest are gone. 

OK, as I think about this, I realize I lied. I kept a bunch of his t-shirts and those are now my pajamas. I kept his winter coat and another fall/flannel coat. I wear it when I work outside. It's way too big for me, but I like it.

Everything else is still here. Some of it I've moved around, some I haven't. DH has been in MC for 7 months now, but it still feels like I shouldn't get rid of his stuff.

Joydean

My brother kept my SIL jewelry for 2 years after her death then gave all of to St Jude’s hospital for one of their auctions. My SIL had always been a big contributor to St Jude’s and he felt that’s what she would have wanted. He felt at peace finally making that decision.

Quilting brings calm

If you took  stuff to goodwill or Salvation Army directly… maybe go ‘shop’ one day and see if it’s still there. In fact, sometimes the donations can sit in storage for  quite a while before being unpacked. Maybe they would take pity on you if you could describe the bag or box you brought them in.  

If you gave the stuff to your daughter to take to goodwill or the Salvation Army, call her and ask if the donation  made it there yet.  It is possible that she hasn’t made it there yet.  Maybe  she kept a couple things that she thought you might change your mind on 

Ed1937

  

Everything I gave her to get rid of is long gone. BUT.............

Quilting brings calm wrote:

Maybe  she kept a couple things that she thought you might change your mind on 

That possibility might exist. I'll have to ask her. Thanks!!

 

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