I'll take what I can get

M1

Went to MC today, had asked that I have a visit with my partner with a staff member present.  That didn't exactly happen the way I had envisioned--when I got there at 2 pm, she and her favorite aide were doing "improvisations" for the rest of the group (about eight residents and 3-4 staff members, in the living room).  She was engaged, laughing--a Hoot.  She proceeded to have everyone in stitches for the next 45 minutes, and it was great to see.  She welcomed me right to the group, didn't question my being there, said she was glad to see me.  When this activity finished, her back was hurting and she wanted to go to her room to lie down; there was a gospel musician coming that she didn't want to listen to.  I stayed with the music for about five minutes, then went to her room to check on her and hopefully chat--but no go, she immediately lit into me, I'm not happy with this arrangement, you must not want me, you must have another girlfriend.   She had already forgotten about doing the skits with Jackie.   I told her I had to get going and left.

Better than nothing.  Will have to figure out if visiting in a group setting will work another time.  Care plan meeting still pending, they are purportedly having a hard time getting their calendars synced.  But I will not let them put it off.

Ed1937

M1, I'm glad you had a good start. That group setting might possibly be the thing that will get her acclimated with you again. I certainly hope so. 

I went through the girlfriend accusations, and it wasn't easy to change her mind on that, even though our kids assured her that wasn't the case. I'm sorry it took a bad turn after you got back to her room.  But it sounds like this visit was at least a little better than the last one.

Stick to your guns on that care plan meeting. They should have ways around any problems they might be having with communication. Still sending prayers and good wishes.

dayn2nite2

M1 wrote:

Care plan meeting still pending, they are purportedly having a hard time getting their calendars synced.  But I will not let them put it off.

I know people really, really do not want to place their LOs in nursing homes, but one of the saving graces of my mom's placement is because they accepted government money (Medicaid), they were required to have care planning meetings every 3 months WITHOUT FAIL and I attended every one of them.  Were they long?  No, but dietary, nursing, a CNA, PT and administration all attended so we were all there in 1 room catching up on my mom.

toolbeltexpert

M1you may have hit on it something, you had mentioned something like that before. 

I was wondering does your wife sundown? I am finding later in the day, my dw starts wanting to go. I also have been asked so many times if I " HAVE A SIDE WOMAN " as she puts it. I just try to reassure her of my love for her. Sometimes she feels bad about asking that, so she still can acknowledge that her question can hurt, but not always.

I glad you got to enjoy watching your wife entertaining everybody,that sounds like fun.

Stewart

Jo C.

It must have been such a good feeling to see your Partner having a delightful time enjoying herself.   The glass was at least half full this time rather than being completely empty.  It may be that if she is actively engaged in a group activity when you visit, that she may possibly be able to engage positively with you as the negative bits are quelled for that period of time.  Perhaps it would be helpful to get copies of their monthly activity chart so you can attend at best times for such dynamics.

As for the Care Conferences at care facilities.  In our state, it is a mandate that this be done every three months no matter the kind of payor.  Most have set days and schedule meeting in advance with the facilities contacting the families.  Some accommodate that and have a set schedule that staff attends; some will go every four months.  Some facilities simply shirk that mandate and have nothing unless the family makes a request.  It makes a difference.  I often wonder how they doctor up their records when the every two year inspection comes into play as records are reviewed and such meetings have not been taking place.  You may want to find out what the policies are in your state.

Sorry that the staff was unable to get your Partner's Care Conference set up as promised.  They do not seem to have a consistent grip on the basics where the rubber hits the road so to speak.  As said last Post; the quality of performance expectations comes from the top on down.  Question whether the top is not as strong in leadership management.  A good DON really drives the dynamics across the board affecting all areas especially in staff performance and follow through of expectations.

May the next visit have a relaxed, pleasant period of time, best wishes being sent for just that to happen.

J.