Well, it's happened

N00dles

Hi,

I have posted a couple of times; my Dad (pwd) was diagnosed 6 years ago w/AD. 

 He no longer 100% knows who I am.

Last weekend was a family wedding; one of my niece's got married! My husband and I flew to where my parents live, and drove them the few hours to the rehearsal dinner and wedding. It was a beautiful occasion and we took quite a few pictures. My Mom was happy to be able to attend, my brother and sister-in-law (and my niece) thanked us for facilitating the travel; we were able to attend both the rehearsal dinner the night before, the wedding, and most of the reception.

During this trip, my dad had trouble knowing who people were and relationships.~that has been occuring and at an exciting event like a wedding, even somewhat expected. He has been having trouble remembering my 3 brothers and their families. A few months ago, at my one of my nephew's wedding (fraternal twin of the one who got married last weekend) my Dad had an 'episode' at the hotel room where he did not recognize my Mom/his wife of 55-years or myself for several minutes. After spending time reassuring, orienting, and conversing with him he did 'come out of it and recognized us and wasn't so confused.

This time, he again did not know my oldest brother, who was traveling with us (nor most of the time the rest of the family while we were at the wedding); nor at first did he know I was married (for 14-years), didn't recognize my husband, and at times did not know me.

I told my oldest brother, back at our parents' home, while we were outside: It was sad, but I wasn't as sad as I thought I would be. Since this awful disease is progressive, it has been creeping along; I have had time to adjust to each phase, each loss, each noticable change in personality/ behaviors (or lack of filters on attitudes/behaviors he has had all along but masked or held control of~if that makes sense.)

During this week that my husband and I have been back to our home, however, I have found myself near tears, or crying; probably a little depressed.

My father used to call me the 'apple of his eye.' Now, he does not recognize me. It is sad and I feel adrift. I told my husband, I feel like a I have disappeared, like a mist or puff of smoke. My beloved father's memory of me robbed.

I feel guilty I used to think, even as his confusion has increased and memory shortened and faded, 'at least he still knows me.' I felt special. Now I know...this disease halts for no one; not for his friends, extended family, grandchildren, his sons and their wives, not for his only daughter, nor will it stop 'til it takes his memories of him and his wife.

I am grieving again....and he is still alive, but not the same man I and the whole world knew.

Thank you for listening. 

SusanB-dil

Oh, no... so sorry.   Yeah, that hurts!  ((hugs))

GothicGremlin

I'm so sorry N00dles, that is so very hard, and disorienting.

N00dles

Thank you both. It does hurt, and it is disorienting~to have had a good time at the family event, but also sad and grieving more memory loss.

[Deleted User]

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May flowers

So sorry, Noodles, that is hard. Dementia really is a long grieving process, as they lose ability after ability. *sigh*

N00dles

Victoria2020 wrote:

I've had to glass half full/empty this issue . Why do our loved ones forget us-- because their brains are decaying and they are time traveling backwards.

So, I've asked questions about where their brain is now living. Some things they may not have remembered a few years ago- they can talk about now , I'm assuming not everything they remember now  is perfectly true but I've learned some funny and interesting things. And with the whole groundhog day ambience  of dementia I'll take anything new.

Your Dad has yet to "meet you" so you get to be a new apple of his eye . Not saying it doesn't hurt like heck, but this is day's world.

Thank you so much, Victoria; that means a lot.

N00dles

Thank you, 'May Flowers'. Yes, my husband and I see loss of ability every time we visit.

So hard to see the vibrant, smart, fun, intelligent, can-fix-anything man my father was disappear.