can't stop crying

Lgw

My granddaughter mad me cry. Now I can't stop.  I'm so tired of having to stay home to change my DH diapers, feed him and I just want to scream. I have no idea how long I will not have  control over my own life.  I know I will miss my DH but he is really already gone.  He still recognizes me and I should be grateful for that. Thanks for letting me blow off steam.  Hospice helps with so much but my life is on hold. I guess I understand suicide but I would not make my kids have to change my DH  diapers.

Berryette

I dont have any magical words of wisdom.  But I wanted you to know that you are in my prayers.  My faith in Jesus is the only thing getting me through all of this.  That doesnt make me perfect- I get angry, sad, and hurt.  I feel cheated by the way things have turned out.  But I remind myself that this is actually not the "main event".  Eternity in Heaven is and there all tears are gone.  All suffering is gone.  All illness is healed.  I can not see it right now- but my faith calls me to believe that God can and will use this awful time for good.  I am holding on by a thread- but that's enough for now.  I pray that you hold on to it as well.  Hugs!!

Ed1937

Lgw wrote:

I guess I understand suicide but I would not make my kids have to change my DH  diapers.

This statement bothers me. It sounds as if you have at least given thought to suicide in order to relieve your pain. If it is that bad, please place him in a memory care facility. You can't help how caregiving makes you feel, but there is something you can do to help the situation. Here is information on a suicide hotline. You can also post here to get help and understanding. 

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

988lifeline.org

Description

The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is a United States-based suicide prevention network of over 200+ crisis centers that provides 24/7 service via a toll-free hotline with the number 9-8-8. It is available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress.

 

Another Day

It's so unfortunate that your granddaughter made you cry, but it does happen. Cry and get it out of your system, it's almost like a cleansing process. I've done this myself and afterwards I always feel drained. I have support from afar, phone, email, text, but at home the only ones taking care of things are just me, myself and I. Yep, just the three of us and that's just how it is. I know exactly what you feel, scared, trapped, lonely, afraid, sad, lost....add anymore that apply.

You do know that you are never truly alone. God is with you every second of every day. Talk to Him. I do, a lot. BTW - it is not out of line to pray with you husband even though he may or may not understand what is going on. Afterall, God reads hearts, not lips. Play some soothing music, it will benefit both of you. Are you eating properly? Very important and so easy to let it go because you're so tired already. If your loved ones ask what they can do, be ready. Have a list of things that need to be done. I don't have any family close by, but I have things/list in mind should anyone offer what can they do. Top of that list should be prepare some meals for you and your husband. Good nutritious food, not McDonalds! Remember your comfort foods, chicken soup really is good for you, a homemade meatloaf dinner prepared with love can do wonders for how you feel.

Forget those thoughts about suicide. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You don't want to go there.

This forum is here for a reason, we all need a little help, a little understanding now and then and there's nothing wrong with that. We're only human and we're not perfect. 

I'll be including you and your husband in my prayers. In His Love......

Lgw

I'm not considering suicide, I just understand it. Things get too overwhelming and there is no way out. I have a sign that says Good morning, this is God! I will be handling all your problems today.  I will not need your help- so, have a good day. I love you.  Most days that works. Just not today and yesterday.  I can't afford to put him in memory care and all he did when he was in Rehab was ask to come home.  I think he is on the border of aspirational pneumonia again so it may not be long.  I will miss him.  This is one long grieving period.

Joydean

LGW l hope you had a better day today. Sorry your granddaughter made you cry, she hopefully didn’t mean to. Sometimes we can and do cry because of one thing and then everything pops in our head and the tears just keep pouring out. As Another Day crying can be a very cleansing part of life. I know it is for me. I love the sign you mentioned. I have 2 that I rely on, one is actually a plate that reads “can’t sleep, you want to talk signed God “ and the other one says “Accept what is, let go of what was, have faith in what will be “. As others have said my faith in my Heavenly Father is all that I can rely on. And all the wonderful “friends “ on this forum. We are all crawling (not walking) down the same horrible path called dementia. Sending you hugs and prayers.

M5M

What kind and thoughtful responses from each of you.  I gain so much peace and support from this group, and caring posts like those on this particular thread are a comfort for us all.

jfkoc

Thinking about you today....

Lgw

I'm better. She never apologized but I let it go.  Got a bill for my husband's wheelchair  even though he is on hospice.  Put out that fire,  Wonder what will happen tomorrow?

Another Day

LGW - just prayed for you and your husband.....hope today is better. Thank you for letting us know that you're not seriously considering suicide. I just read an article in todays newsletter by Dr. Mercola about this. it's titled "Could Vitamin D ward off suicide?"  Good article and good information.

mrl

LGW,

You're doing the best you can in a very bad situation, but yes you will miss him. My DH passed two years ago and I can't stop crying either.

Michele

mrahope

I totally hear you on the crying.  I'm often on the verge myself.  Sometimes I watch sad movies just to "let it out"... that truly IS ok.

Also, as long as folks are sharing quotes, thought I'd share one I had on my office wall for the longest time.  "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."  

Do take care.  Thinking of you and all of us in this dark place.