Question/Response I Can't Stand

John1965

"Does she still recognize you?" .... "Well, that's good." Ugh.

Ed1937

Yeah, that seems to be almost automatic.

Nowhere

I don’t like that question, either. Maybe we could answer, “I like to think so” or “Hopefully”.

elainechem

I remember in the early days, when I disclosed to someone my husband's diagnosis, I often got a pitying look and they asked if he still knew me. One time I said, "Of course he knows me. Does your husband know you?" It shut her up. People need to understand that this isn't the first sign of the disease. It generally happens far later in the disease. My hubby was close to stage 7 before he could no longer place me.

RobertsBrown

It's not the fault of inexperience people asking simplistic questions they do not really want answered.  At least that's what I tell myself while I am secretly hating their guts and wanting them to catch on fire.

Beachfan

 It’s been so long since DH knew who I was, that the question doesn’t offend me any longer, if it ever did. (It wasn’t too long ago that I asked the same question of my friend about her father. First, I asked her if her dad was still playing golf. What was I thinking?) 

My response is a teaching moment. “No, he does not know me, the kids, the grandkids, or anyone for that matter. He doesn’t know where he is or why he’s there.”  The reactions range from shocking disbelief to extreme pity, to understanding,  and everywhere in between. My intent is not to horrify anyone, but rather to gently remind the average Joe that progressing Alzheimer’s is more than just pop pop misplacing his keys, or putting the mail in the freezer. At this point, nothing is off limits and I tell it like it is. 

eaglemom

Its been a really long time since anyone's said that to me. Probably because my response was sharp and quick "clearly you know nothing about ALZ, let me give you the name of some books to read & then we'll chat." Yes, I was that abrupt because it made / makes me that upset when asked that question. 

No one seemed upset by my response and sadly no one asked for the name of the books. But that is on them, not on DH & I. I've seen others when asked that question simply turn around and walk off! That's a statement without saying a word.

eagle

LilySue

I loved Beach Fan's comment to her son: "Your dad's somewhere between here and the great beyond."

GothicGremlin

Sometimes I get irritated by that question - it really depends on my mood at the time. I can't say that I'm particularly bothered by it anymore.

What gets me the most is this - Oftentimes, friends/family will ask me about Peggy and her Alzheimer's, and what should they read to get a better understanding. I always start with Understanding the Dementia Experience, and then assess how they reacted to it.

What irritates me the most is after I've given them info, and then they ask me a question, and I can tell they didn't read anything I sent them. After awhile, you can almost automatically tell when someone has done their homework and when they haven't. I hate that.

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