Intro - Mom w/ Alzheimer's; Dad w/ Cardiac & vision issues

BookBuffBex

Hi all! I'm an only child so the sole caretaker of my parents. Dad & I had been noticing Mom's memory issues for several years. She also has mobility issues due to lack of exercise.  Dad had a heart attack in January of 2022 and was in the hospital for a few days. During that time I lived with mom and noticed significant confusion and memory issues, but Dad's health needs were more urgent so he got the attention.  Also, he is cooperative and compliant about seeing the dr. He had a new stent placed, came home, but within a few months was having 'hallucinations' and could no longer drive. Short version is he has AMD (age related macular degeneration) and ptosis (significantly drooping eyelids) that affect his vision; as well as the cardiac issues. During this time, mom could not or would not step up to help as needed.  She thinks she was, but it was a struggle just to get her to leave the house. I forced in home care for just a few hours a week, but mom was mean and resistant. Would not allow the caregiver to help my dad in any way, even when he stumbled or fell down. In early November, Dad fell and hit his head on the way to bed one evening. Neither of them 'saw' that he was bleeding profusely and he left the house the next morning to walk their dog with his head covered in dried blood. His pillow looked like something out of a crime scene. He was admitted to the hospital and I was able to get them both into AL just before Thanksgiving. Mom only agreed to it because she wanted to live with him. Mom was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer's in December 2022.  She has no short-term memory, and she doesn't know what she doesn't know.  She is very smart and prides herself on her intellect and memory. She's never been the nicest person, but has become increasingly impulsive and impatient. She's a challenge to deal with on a good day. I do my best to remain patient with the repetitive questions. I know that she loves me fiercely, and that she's not the same mother I had for most of my life.  We were very close, basically best friends until Covid caused physical separation and it overlapped with her worsening dementia symptoms.

More and more, I'm struggling with her impulsivity and impatience. She says hurtful things that she doesn't remember, but I do. It really haunts me when she's mean and resistant to me, my dad, or others who are trying to help her. So my big question is how do you forgive and move past a loved ones hurtful behavior? Thanks in advance.