From JoseyWales - Here's what's going on

JoseyWales

Hi everyone, it's been a long time since I last posted, but I'm still here reading and following along with everyone's journey. DH's anxiety and crying are now under control, thank goodness. He still gets upset, but frequency and intensity are much less.

He's been in a wheelchair for at least 7 months. Now all he can move is his hands. He rarely turns his head, and there is no leg movement at all. He has contractures, which makes everything difficult. He gets some therapy during the day to help with that, and through hospice receives massage therapy. There's almost no talking. He'll make word like sounds, and sometimes say "yah". But when I cut his nails yesterday, he clearly said "Quit it!"

He's sleeping more. He goes through periods of not eating very much, to eating well. He's lost so much weight. 2 weeks ago he had his first UTI, and I knew something was up before they told me, because he was much more agitated during my visit.

He's one of the most advanced residents in his MC. Most of the residents were there when DH moved in, and it's shocking to see how quickly he's progressed compared to how slowly many of them have. I think it's age related. He had just turned 58 when he moved in, so was physically in good shape while most of the others are in their 80s and already had physical problems. But there is one other man there who is about 10 years older than DH, was there when DH moved in, and is still walking and talking. It just shows that everyone's journey is different.

His MC is not beautiful, but it's clean and the people there are very caring and seem to be taking great care of him. I feel like he's in the best place for us. I can honestly say that many of the staff have become my friends.

I still visit every other day. I'm still teaching, and likely will be teaching for the next 10 years. I have a 5 year old golden retriever that used to spend every minute with DH when he was home. When DH was placed, DS came home from college a short time later to live at home. For the next year, DS worked afternoons and evenings so the dog was always home with someone. 3 months ago DS got a new job, and now works days, so my poor dog was home alone during the day. I started taking her with me to see DH, and it's worked out beautifully. The dog LOVES the long ride there and back, and REALLY LOVES the visit. She's fairly calm, and I can let her off her leash. She goes around visiting all the residents and letting them pet her.

A week ago I got a new dog. I thought a long time about doing it, and realized that I needed sometime more in my life. I don't want another human companion - not at all ready for that - but needed more love. Enter my puppy. She's a mini golden doodle, and is expected to only get to less than 15 pounds. She's 9 weeks old tomorrow, and keeping me BUSY. Last week I took her on 2 visits to DH. She was so good, and several residents got to hold her. DH showed no interest.

This journey is horrible. I'm still waiting to come out the other side, but in the meantime I'm doing the best I can. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you still struggling with your LO at home.

M1

Josey I am glad to hear from you, I was thinking last night that maybe we had lost you in the forum change. I am glad your DH is well cared for in a stable situation, and congratulations on the new puppy---hope she brings the happiness and companionship that you need (and that we all crave). I've never heard of a "mini" golden doodle. Hope you can keep posting and have a good summer break.

Quilting brings calm

Good to hear from you! So many changes for you. Sounds like your son is getting settled again and that is great! I bet the dog(s) are good company for you.

White Crane

Josey, it’s so good to hear from you. It sounds like your husband is being well cared for. How nice that you can take your dogs with you when you visit your husband . Even if he’s unable to respond the other residence probably enjoy it. Thanks for the update, and I hope you enjoy the new puppy.

Ed1937

Josey, I'm glad that most of the things you mentioned were headed the right way. I can just see that golden roaming around the MCF. I think they're made for that. As for your pup, well, you have to have a dog, don't you? That should keep you busy for quite a while. Glad to hear from you again.

Joydean

Josey so good to hear from you. Glad your husband is is being well cared for. Guess that means you’re still teaching. When you have the time I hope you will post a picture of your new puppy. I too have never heard of that particular breed. Thank you for sharing your update.

CStrope

Mini Golden doodles are adorable, I'm sure you've gotten yourself great companion. I found it interesting that you spoke of the older residents not declining at the same pace as your husband. My husband also has early onset, and I am amazed at his decline. It's only been 2 1/2 years since diagnosis, and I'm already having to help dress him, fight to get him to bath or shower, and have had several midnight urinating incidents in unconventional places! I took him with me to the greenhouse today to pick up some tomatoes and flowers. I look forward to doing that every year, but today wasn't enjoyable. He had no idea what was happening and he spent the entire time making conversation with random people that nobody could understand. I keep saying my goal is to make it to the end of summer.....we'll see.

By the way, I have a friend that breeds whoodles (wheaton terrior/poodles), I'm thinking there may be one just for me in the next litter!

Beachfan

Dear Josie,

It’s so good to hear from you; I feel as though we were on parallel paths for a long while where our DH’s were concerned. To borrow from your post, I have “come out the other side”, losing DH on April 21, after 17 months in a MCF. Your post resonates with me as your description of your DH’s MCF is so much like the facility where my DH resided. It was not beautiful , but clean, accommodating, and with staff who were caring and kind beyond measure. (Three caregivers came in on their day off to spend time with DH and our family during his last days) . The facility director and the DON have sibling miniature golden doodles. They roam the office area and grounds and visit the residents almost daily. “Sam” spent some time with DH, even giving him an unreciprocated wet “kiss on the cheek” goodbye. The mood was so much lighter with those pups around.

I think today is National Teacher Appreciation day, so hooray for you today and every day! DH and I were both educators and he clearly made an impact as we could barely accommodate all his former students and ball players at his services this past Saturday. You are appreciated and loved by your students (and definitely by their parents), even if they don’t tell you that often enough. I think about you often and pray that your journey with DH, although tough, is tolerable and leads one day to peace. Stay strong; there is light on the “other side”.