By Ed - I'm in a quandary about something kind of off topic, and need input

Ed1937

You all know I visited an old friend at MC. I visited with him and his wife for quite some time. During our visit, I realized she probably doesn't know a lot about this disease, and I would like to at least send her a few links that would help her and prepare her for the future. She didn't know there were stages to alzheimer's, and just by the way she talked to him, I could tell she has not been on a forum like this. But it was not like she was being mean to him. Far from it. She knows that I'm a widower, and the last thing I want to do is to make her feel as though I'm interested in her. I'm a long way from being ready for that. We have shared a few emails concerning my pre and post visit. I really want to help her through good information, but I'm reluctant to send another email. How can I do this, or is it even a good idea? Or maybe wait another month or so? Any input is appreciated.

M1

I see your dilemma...maybe one more email with a link to this forum would be okay? Just to tell her how helpful you had found it? Maybe you could mention Dr. Natalie and Teepa Snow too. But I agree you would probably need to leave it at that.

Glad the visit went well though---

ImMaggieMae

Ed, unless you were to come on to her in a romantic manner, I don’t see why you should be concerned. Men and women can be friends, even close friends, without being romantically involved, particularly in a situation like this. Goodness knows we can all use information and support. People who haven’t gone through this with a partner or spouse have no idea what they’re dealing with. You have so much knowledge and information to share. My opinion? Don’t think twice, it’s alright.

jfkoc

My grandmother always said to never surprress a kind thought word or action. That said if everything is going along smoothly why rock the boat.

An easy read is the 36 hour day.

mrl

When in doubt-don't. Just my two cents. Sit tight a little bit...

Michele

Denise1847

Hi Ed,

You have so much knowledge and experience with this disease so you can definitely be a light for your friend's spouse by the links, book suggestions and this forum. I believe you previously indicated that there were some other women who made you feel they were interested in a relationship. Unless you have observed similar actions with her, please share with her. It will help her and your friend.

Jo C.

Hello Ed; I can understand your wanting to be of help but also having a bit of a concern. Sometimes things are simple, and other times there are people who are very lonely and looking for a closer relationship - does not have to be romantic; some attach long term as they feel safe and comfortable.

A great way to help her would be to give her a listing of helpful information such as, "Understanding The Dementia Experience," the title of the book, "The 36 Hour Day," and especially getting her onto, "ALZConnected." If there are Support Groups in her/your area, then a list of contact numbers for those groups where she can gain support and make new friendships who understand, and also provide her with the Alz Assn. Helpline at (800) 272-3900 and for her to ask to be transferred to a Care Consultant and to know they are 24/7 and can be contacted not only for information and problem solving, but they are also there for support for the caregiver too; sometimes just to talk about our feelings.

If she gets a listing of the valuable bits and pieces she can at her own pace begin to learn and feel more comfortable in her situation. If she come to this site, she will get so much support and will also learn. I do hope there will be a Support Group or two in her area. And of course, you can be available for what you are comfortable with.

You are a kind and caring person, thank you Ed for all you do.

J.

Ed1937

Thank you very much for your thoughts on this. I decided to send the email, but I told her I was reluctant to send it, and why. I told her no reply was necessary from her. I sent the info, now the rest is up to her. I hope she makes use of it.

Jo, I already sent the email before I read your post. I did mention the 36 hour day, this forum, and "Understanding the dementia experience", as well as a few links that I thought would be helpful. I stressed the importance of at least reading posts on this forum, and I hope she will. I did not mention the alz helpline or local support groups, which I should have. But I really appreciate the time people took to share their opinions on this matter.

Quilting brings calm

Ed - I agree with you telling her why you were reluctant to reach out to her. Now you’ve set her mind at ease about your intentions, and you can be there as a friend to support her.

M5M

This is interesting to me. Since DH was diagnosed I have been reading voraciously on the subject. Neighbor down the street, however, in the same situation, has no interest in knowIng more, or planning, or anything. We have had a few discussions about this, but I feel I would be meddling if I suggested she prepare herself. How have people handled this “head in the sand” reaction?

Ed1937

I think there are times when people are just too afraid of what might be in the future, and don't want to deal with it. Not sure if there's anything you can do about that, but you might suggest that knowledge makes things easier.

Quilting, I think what concerned me is what happened with the women who suggested we meet soon after my wife passed. Then when I met his wife after more than 60 years, we hugged each other. Then again as I left. To me it was nothing more than saying "I'm sorry, and I understand", but I didn't want her to feel the way I did after my wife passed. I hope that makes sense.

Quilting brings calm

Ed- it makes complete sense. Especially since you have no idea if certain males have been hinting that they’d like to be more than friends similarly to the women that came on to you.