How to know when it's time for MC

ErikaK

My husband and I have been caring for my dad since Sept 2020, and lately he doesn't do anything but sit and stare into space. He thinks he's watching TV when it isn't on. I've tried a lot of things but they only engage him for a few minutes. Even with our respite caregivers all he wants to do is sit and watch TV but he isn't really absorbing anything. We set him up with a POA but he didn't understand the question from the attorney about us being able to place him somewhere he didn't want to be, so it doesn't include that. So I'm worried it is going to be hard to get him to stay at a place. That and he doesn't really have any other assets besides what his SSN pays into his bank account. We don't charge him rent or anything, he just provides monthly support for groceries/utilities to us (which I document, we do it via Zelle so I always put the reason for the transfer), so we'll be looking at a spend down situation before he can apply for Medicaid. He has heart disease and part of me hopes that something happens around that before he starts entering the end stages. It's so hard, hard on me, hard on my relationship with my husband, and just basically sucks.

towhee

Erika, if you are thinking about it, it is definitely time to be researching possible facilities and figuring out the finances. You never know when things will change to the point where placement is a necessity. You might talk to the lawyer again to determine your options.

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ErikaK

I found a local list resource from the government agency that licenses care homes, so I'm going to start with that. We do have the DPOA however in Nevada they have a caveat that Dad had to agree to the part about waiving his consent for placement and he didn't like that option. They do have a fair amount of medicaid waiver homes around so I'll need to find one that takes ALZ/DEM patients, not all of them do because of safety/wandering issues.

We are also rethinking taking him back "home" to Colorado, as to date the only family member that has visited is my nephew that he used to live with. None of his 2 brothers or 3 sisters have bothered in the last 3 years so I can't see relying on them for help. Even if we move out of the area ourselves and he is placed here, we still have "boots on the ground" and it is easy to come for a visit as we have somewhere to stay while here. Another frustration. He's the big brother, so I think the fact that he's going through this is freaking some of his siblings out, and one of my uncles is an HIV survivor so I don't expect him to get in a tin can in the air with a bunch of unmasked people, way too risky. the others, well, ... so again it's on me to make sure he's placed in a good situation and kept safe.

M1

Erika my partner is the oldest of three sisters, and yes it absolutely freaked them out when I told them in 2014 that their dominant big sis was losing her marbles. Big-time denial and anger and absolutely no help. They were used to looking to her for help and could not change the pattern. Only one sister is still living now. We talk but that's it. So I think you read that dynamic correctly. I wish you well in coming up with a workable solution.