I'm the target

yelsom

My 89yr old mother has turned on me saying I'm going to hurt her, saying bills she controls & won't let me help with that are past due are my fault, she blames everything on me & is so ugly to me & follows me around picking fights. The rest of the family wants to put her in a home. She's not going to stay, I know her, most stubborn person you could possibly meet. I do need help caring for her so I can have my own life for hour or two.. it's just really difficult being attacked & blamed instead of being appreciated for all I do for her, the things in my life I sacrifice to be with & take care of her... She treats me worse than anyone she ever has.. her negativity is having a negative impact on my well being. Today is first time I've considered agreeing with my family & putting her in a home. I feel guilty & what if they don't treat treat her right, she can be very mean & hateful. I'm worn & torn down today. Does anyone have any advice?

Sincerely

💖Sam

M1

Welcome to the forum. Unfortunately these are pretty common behaviors. Have you talked to her docs? There are medications that might help. But your family may be right, she may do better in a MC facility than at home. When you say "she wont stay," do you or anyone else in the family have power of attorney? If not you need to talk to an attorney about getting poa or guardianship so that you can make the decisions.

admarise

Hi,

I know exactly how you feel. I had care for my mom for the last few years. Everything started last year. There was trial of medications, hospital visits, doctors visits. It got to a point we hide all sharp objects, secures cleaning supplies all this things to keep her and us safe. She was so angry she left the house and we could not find her… was very scary. She ended up in the hospital and was telling everyone how we had been trying to kill her and had been abusive. The doctors at the ED noticed she was well care and how caring we had been and how much she was hallucinating and other behavior. She told them how she was not coming back to my house. So there was no option but to place her in a nursing home. She has been in LTC for a few months. Had a lot of behavioral issues until recently when the finally got her in the behavioral unit. And found the correct combination of medications and she is doing so much better now. It is like having my mom back. Not the same but been able to talk and spend time with her without the aggressive behavior has been a relief for me and our family. It was a hard choice and I cry a lot about it and still do. But I know she is safe. I am not worried about what she is doing or what I am going to find when I get home or if she left the house. We miss her at home every day. But when we’ll being is more than just having her home every day… I hope my experience helps. Good luck!!! Also you may want to see a therapist, I know it is hard, but it had help me so much.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Maria

Emily 123

Thank you--I'm sure this will help when others read this. It can be very difficult to help someone who doesn't think they need it, even without the behavioral changes you experienced. I'm glad you've been able to get peace for both your mother and yourself.