birthdays and Father's Day

CarolynATL

This will be dad's 6th birthday and Father's Day since his diagnosis of Alzheimer's. He's long not known what day it is, and last year was probably the first year he couldn't recognize me even for a moment. This year he can't speak. I'll be surprised if he makes it to next year. I'll visit both days and take him some ice cream because it's the only thing he seems to get joy out of. It's really hard for me, but I do it because I don't want the MC staff to think I'm a garbage daughter for not visiting him on Father's Day. There, I said it out loud.

Thanks for listening.

jjneels

My dad has vascular dementia and doesn't get much joy out of anything (which frankly has been his way of life for as long as I can remember). He seems to only really care about the major holidays right now, I think because he sees others in his AL facility getting visitors. He likely wouldn't know it's father's day on his own, but I also feel compelled to visit him because he will likely be reminded by someone at his facility and then he would feel very sad if no one came to visit him. I keep going to see him because I wouldn't want to be left alone if I was in his situation, but it's so hard to watch him deteriorate and I wish I didn't feel compelled to go. You're not a garbage daughter. Only do what you can handle and no more, whatever that looks like.

mommyandme (m&m)

I think you’ll be better for going, for yourself, alone. My mom had no idea about holidays etc… I decided to go ahead and decorate her space for Christmas because of the nagging voice in my own head. I was glad I did it, for me. I didnt have to listen to myself grumble anymore. She died 5 days before Christmas, unexpectedly (kinda), I left the decorations up for a long time. Still so glad I did it instead of saying today, “jeesh, I didn’t even decorate for Christmas.” I know I would’ve felt regret about it forever. Go for yourself…and as far as the staff’s concerned…meh.

Questions

I never stopped seeing my dad every weekend during the journey. While he didn’t know who I was, I knew he felt loved when I was there, emotions/feelings are never gone.

CarolynATL

Thank you all. I'm usually more resilient, but I'm just finding myself at the intersection of tired, emotional and frustrated. I appreciate you all.