We're back

ButterflyWings

(*posted in Spouse & Partner forum also)

Dear Forum Mates,

I have been away (abruptly) for a few months and thought about you all EVERY DAY, several times a day. You have truly been missed. We (DH and me) are as well as can be expected, but had some serious stuff thrown our way and I just couldn't keep up with also reading and posting. I saw a note from toolbeltexpert somehow, in my emails the last few days and was so touched to know some have been thinking about me and us, and I will tell you...your thoughts and prayers have surely helped keep us afloat even though I was awol. I'm sorry to worry anyone. Couldn't help it.

We are still not out of the woods completely yet, but my spirits are high (as high as they can be at least, when we all are knee deep in this nightmare called dementia, right?) The short version is, at 6E... (my beloved has been on this plateau with minor ups and downs for a long time!!!) and now with one toe in stage 7 (blue glove moments pop up unexpectedly and more frequently now, yuck) ... well you would think I had enough to deal with, right? But no, my absentee steps and in-laws recently decided it was time to take the reins and launched guardianship litigation now that I have pulled us back from the financial ruin that Alz brought. So apparently they are seeing some imaginary dollar signs or just feel that whatever (marital!) assets I have been able to retrieve and preserve, are supposed to be theirs. Some sort of advance inheritance, I guess. smh. Can I say, 100% low-life and much, much worse?!

Yep. Never lifted a finger. Not once did they offer any help, not a bag of groceries, or package of incontinence briefs. God forbid spend an hour with him so maybe I could do the yardwork or even "nothing" for a moment...? Just when you think some people could not stoop any lower, they do. So -- my time, energy, little bit of extra money I can scrape up working remotely while 24/7 caregiving...it has been redirected a lot due to this new and really unbelievable drama from people who acted like we didn't even exist for the last several years. From sheer exhaustion and overload (we all know), it has been all I could do to just keep doing for my guy and me. The silver lining is I'm so disgusted and irritated with these sick people that I can't be depressed or scared about it. Just extremely P.O.'d and determined not to lose my husband and my home to liars and cheats. Can you imagine??!!!

So, I had to pull back from this special space for a bit, as I get immersed here when I check in. You understand. This forum saved my life (and most likely his...since everything I know about caregiving was learned right here on these boards). So, I just wanted to check in and provide this update for now. We are hanging in there. DH is still blissfully unaware due to anosognosia and that is a blessing. I love you all and appreciate you SO much. Really missed you and please don't worry that I will not be able to chime in much until this court crap is over. Also because it seemed some spying or "following me" was possibly going on here in this space, I can't share freely as we should be able to do... and as I always had done when I did not know the snakes I was dealing with in his family. So, that's the deal. Everyone, please keep your spirits up. No matter what. You can take care of yourself a little each day (we HAVE to!) And know that what you are doing for your PWD LO is so very special. For whatever time that you feel able to do it. Just keep breathing. I'll be thinking of you even when you don't hear from me. Hoping to have good news to share with you soon though.

mommyandme (m&m)

Wow… it’s so good to “hear” from you! I’m happy you’re still with us. So very sorry for these legal battles… as if you didn’t have enough already. UGH!!!

Quilting brings calm

We missed you. We were worried that something physically had happened to you. Glad to have you back in whatever capacity you feel like being back.

ButterflyWings

Thanks M&M and QBC - I really missed you all and just had to get back to this very special community. I will explain more in time. But for now, sending the good thoughts right back to you and all the dementia caregivers here! I hope the weekend brings some moments of joy for everyone no matter what stage they are dealing with. And here's hoping that all those family and friends out there...if they can't help, that they at least don't do harm. It is unthinkable but I know from many stories on these boards and in the media, that I'm not the first to go through this. I won't let it steal my joy and for that reason I am so glad to be back.

GothicGremlin

Count me among the ones glad to see you're back and that you're okay. When I first arrived on this site, you were one of the first I paid attention to - your DH and my sister are at roughly the same stage. Peggy also has a toe or two in stage 7.

I'm sorry about all of the legal drama - no fun. Sadly, I can imagine ...

Thinking positive thoughts for you.