Wife won't address issue of possible alz diagnosis

Cletus

My wife won't let me discuss the possibility that she may be getting Alzheimer's. Her mother died of alz at the age of 83. My wife is 73 and has been having trouble remembering words for several years now. She is the youngest of seven siblings and is the only one left alive. Several of her siblings had dementia. She is waking up now. I have to go. If she knew I was doing this she would be mad at me.

Cletus

Joe C.

Cletus, Welcome but sorry you needed to seek out our community. My Wife would never discuss the possibility of dementia and would get angry with me if I raised the issue. Initially I thought it was denial but once I found this site I became aware that it was anosognosia. Anosognosia is recognized psychological condition where a person with a disability is cognitively unaware of their condition. If your wife has anosognosia then trying to have any conversation with her about her memory loss will be a fruitless effort and just lead to conflict. I found it best just to avoid discussion of DW’s memory issues but it does make getting a formal diagnosis very challenging.

M1

Same here Cletus. Welcome. My partner is 15 years older than I am, and the first time I brought up dementia with her (about 2014) she about took my head off. Then I thought I would get her doctor to tell her and thought that would solve it, and he literally laughed at me. We also never got a formal diagnosis, but frankly I didn't see the point: she has a lot of other medical conditions, had had treatable things ruled out, and had had her head imaged for other reasons. Brief trials of Aricept and Namenda through her PCP didn't go anywhere because of side effects, and she wasn't interested in participating in any trials through our local academic medical center. So we let it go at that. Don't feel like we lost anything in the process. That may be different now though, because of the advent of the newer drugs: so i guess I would suggest that you talk with her doctor. Families almost always are aware of symptoms before the person with dementia is.

This forum can be wonderfully supportive, I hope you can manage to stay. Make sure you have your legal and financial affairs in order: if needed, find a certified elder law attorney. You'll need power of attorney for her eventually, both for finances and for health care. Make sure you do that early. Wish you well.

Ed1937

Cletus, welcome to the forum. You found a great place to get solid information, help and understanding, as well as people who "get it".

I agree that you should not bring up the subject for the reasons above, plus another. Many people go into a depression when they find out they have dementia, a really bad disease. This is something you don't want.

M1's suggestion about seeing a CELA is something you should do early in the disease. If you wait too long, you will be sorry.

jfkoc

It is hard not to discuss matters with the person you always discussed things with but this illness is a different matter. Discussing will do no good.

vjw

My husband is the same way. I thought he was in denial because he won't accept or acknowledge his diagnosis. He admits his short term memory is gone. His reasoning for his memory loss is that his brain is too full to take on more information. He even tells the doctor this.. I guess it makes sense to him.

SDianeL

My DH was the same. I spoke with his primary care doctor. She gave him a simple memory test in her office and he failed and she said she was going to refer him to a Neurologist to check his brain. (should have been a Neuro Psychologist) who does the 3 hour test who referred him to the Neurologist. She never said the words dementia or Alzheimer's. CT brain scan confirmed dementia probably vascular. He can't have an MRI so they're not sure and may do a PET Scan. Doesn't matter. There are no medications or cure. There may be clinical trials but I haven't found any and can't imagine getting involved in one. There are only medications to control behavior. Go to an elder law attorney and get a DPOA now. My brother-in-law recommended it and I'm so glad I did. After just a few months, my DH could no longer sign his name or read & understand documents. I got him to go by telling him we were going to both get them done in case we couldn't speak for ourselves. On mine I gave my daughter's name instead of his. Read everything you can about the disease. The book that helped me the most is "The 36 Hour Day" -- there is also a Family Guide on this ALZ website.