Dealing with the loss of a parent's beloved pet - any thoughts?

keepingafloat

My mom's beloved Chihuahua passed away about a week ago following a long illness. Mom is now mired in depression, going between forgetting her dog died, wondering why she is sad, to bawling her eyes out. She is 79 and can't take care of another dog, although she can't understand why I would deny her another dog. My husband and I have been caring for her dog for the last year, going to her house to feed and medicate her dog 3 times a day, but she never quite caught that, always surprised when we "came for a visit." She is very sad and angry and I don't know what to do. I really don't want another 15 year responsibility with a new dog and I have 3 of my own, but they don't fill the void for her, since her dog was stuck to her side like glue. Mom also can't understand that I really need a vacation and it's nearly impossible to do that with 3 dogs, let alone 4. Has anyone else had this situation arise? Any help is appreciated. Thanks.

M1

Welcome to the forum. I take it your mom is living alone? There may be other issues there that are looming, but that's not what you asked: I absolutely agree that I would not commit to another dog. You may find that out of sight is out of mind, if you remove things that might be reminders like dog toys and beds, etc. In the mean time, learn to use anything you can to defer: say you'll keep your eyes out for ads, you'll wait til the weather is cooler, etc. Over and over if you have to.

keepingafloat

I have been trying that, to no avail. She lives around the corner from me and my brother lives with her, but he has mental disabilities and finds it easier to be absent from the home. He is zero help. She is an artist and there are paintings everywhere of this most recent dog, along with others who have passed away before her. She might forget momentarily about it, but not for long. I see from her email account that she is contacting all sorts of pet adoption places, as well as those that charge $3000 for a dog. She tells me that I don't care that she is miserable, and I do care. I understand as I have been in the same boat and it is agony. But she only sees her own needs right now. Also the fact that I had to feed and medicate her dog because she was either not feeding her enough or too much tells me that I am going to have to care for this dog for the duration of its life. I love dogs, but I already have 3. I just feel like I am in a lose/lose situation no matter what.

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N00dles

You might consider, when she is out of the house at a doctor's appointment or someone else taking her on a car ride, removing/storing the dog paintings and replacing with some of her other artwork.

Speaking of doctor's appointment..have you addressed her depression? Maybe schedule her an appointment either with primary care doctor, neurologist, or therapist.

You may have to disconnect her internet, at least temporarily. If you do, you could say, 'It's getting fixed tomorrow' or 'the internet is out for the whole neighborhood.

Are you jointly on her checking account, so you can keep track of finances?

I hear you say you already have 3 dogs and don't want the responsibility of another one, which is understandable.

keepingafloat

First off, I handle all of her finances (debit/credit cards included), so there's no possibility of her paying a fortune and buying another dog without my involvement. As far as removing some of her paintings, I believe she'd notice that. She has an art wall that I call her Bennigan's wall because so much art is put up there, but even if I swapped things around, she's probably notice or my brother would say something if she asked. He is quick to deflect any hard questions and tells her to call me for answers - even when she wants to call and check on her mother, who died 22 years ago. He'd also be the one to plug the internet back in because he uses her computer. I think he lets me be the bad guy as often as possible.

As for the depression, I think it will abate over the next few weeks, but if not, I'll see about some meds. We saw her doctor today, but she said the depression was "situational" and wanted to wait a bit before prescribing anything.

I am considering a Cuddle Clone that might help bridge the gap.

Thanks for all of your suggestions and input. I really appreciate it.

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keepingafloat

I've taken a number of measures to prevent that stuff, plus she doesn't answer the phone unless it's me because she hates spam calls. All her bank stuff comes to my address, so we're covered there. I may consider setting up the admin account, so thanks for the tips. I appreciate it. :)