something new I've not encountered--upsetting to my partner

M1

After a while you think you've seen/heard it all, but: a new one. there is a new resident at my partner's MC who barks like a dog continuously and repeatedly. I think he thinks it's funny, but it's pretty pathetic. My partner finds it very upsetting and it has made her retreat even more than she already was. Highly verbal residents used to upset her at her previous facility, too, Any thoughts? Anyone encounter anything similar? I get the feeling a lot of the staff are bothered by it, too. I don't know whether to say anything or not, or what they can possibly do about it. Doesn't seem fair to make him stay in his room all the time. The other thing that really upsets her is the few wanderers who come into her room. Her door is right by the nurse's station and at first I thought that was good, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe makes her a target. She can lock the door and does so....

Ed1937

Is it possible that some kind of medication could help? I've heard of people doing things like singing or making odd noises, but nothing like that. It's not surprising that others might be upset when he does that. Things like this just make us realize just how much we don't understand this stuff. Should you complain about it? Just another hard decision to make.

Denise1847

I would say something and explain how it is upsetting to your DW. She has a right to peace and it is not fair to her. It sounds like your DW is very introverted and needs her peace. What is the downside of complaining? At least there is a chance that it will get better. Doing nothing ensures it will stay the same.

Dio

M1, I would ask the facility if they plan to do anything about the new resident. Surely, it is bothering others, too. Didn't the facility do an assessment before accepting the new resident? It's just too sad how this disease affects everyone all around.

toolbeltexpert

M1 I sure get that. There are several verbal folks in with dw. Hay hay hay hay hay or help help help. I can distract her but it's only minutes and she's back at it. What works with her is music. Blessed assurance by aj does it every time. They sometimes take their phone and let it play right by her. Music is magic.

I wonder what they man would do if they tried some music? It's not an easy behavior to manage. Even if music works part time it would be a temporary fix.

Full moon?

Jo C.

Truly a problem issue that in probability must grate on other residents. A resident in Memory Care, just like any of us in our own homes, has the right to peace within their MC home, as it is their home. They have the right to freedom from persistent obnoxious bothersome noises which disturbs the peace and is upsettingly frequent. Your partner deserves dignity and peace which means freedom from a maniacal barking man who seems to not run out of steam. Very sorry for the man who continuously barks; but that is not just for the other residents who have no way to escape it. Must be upsetting and disturb some of the residents equilibrium.

Would be good to address it to the top person over the patient care letting them know that yourself has noticed the impact upon your LO and other residents families have also mentioned being concerned and wonder what steps staff will be taking to quell the noise and behaviors. Question is; does that poor fellow actually fit in at the facility as the dynamics are in that MC or would he be best suited elsewhere. Perhaps he barks when nervous and getting used to the new setting he has been placed in; however, it is incumbent upon the staff to be in contact with the offensive fellows physicians and family and find a fairly swift resolution.

Question: Is there a Family Council at that Memory Care? If so, would be good to attend some meetings. If not, one could start one. By law, it must be permitted and the family members must also be provided a private meeting room. It is often a very positive group and has the energy to make a difference.

Just when you think you've seen it all . . . . . . so hope this gets curbed quickly.

J.

JJ401

Could this new patient have Tourette Syndrome?

GG06

@M1 I was shocked when I read your post. One of my husband's first really odd behaviors was barking. He doesn't do it as frequently now, and never did it continuously, but it was enough that it could be annoying (and a little embarrasing). He barked at the doctor's office and in public. Being happy, excited, anxious seems to prompt his barking. It reminds me of when 4/5-year-olds are playing or in front of others. One day I asked him why he barks, and he said he likes to do it and feels like he has to do it. He said barking reminds him of Frannie. Frannie was our yellow lab that passed last year.

I am sorry your wife (and others) is having to listen to resident's barking, but I imagine the behavior is somewhat out of his control. I am surprised the staff hasn't had a similar issue in the past or a protocol of how to manage the situation.

Paris20

There was a woman at my husband’s facility who moaned constantly, truly non-stop. When she was in the TV room, she drove visitors and residents to distraction. At the dining table it was worse. For unknown reasons, she didn’t moan when Seinfeld was on. I can’t tell you how many times we watched those reruns of reruns. However, my husband was not bothered by her because he just didn’t perceive or process her moaning. When I pointed it out to him, he finally heard it and found it disturbing. The whole scenario was just part of what I call “Bizarro World,” the subject of a Seinfeld episode.

M1

Yes that's exactly what it feels like Paris. And (fortunately or unfortunately) my partner is still cognizant enough to respond negatively to these things and to any other residents with odd or unfiltered behaviors. I don't think it's Tourette's as it is constant. Probably just have to play it by ear (so to speak), but I hope we can come up with some plan other that just avoidance, which is what my partner is doing now. I know of no way to encourage her to be more social, and incidents like this just reinforce her avoidance. She's actually great with people and very charming when she wants to be, but she is truly a loner by nature. No good answers. I will look for the least awkward opportunity to bring it up with staff.

White Crane

M1, no solutions, I just wanted you to know I understand. For a number of years, my husband went around hooting like an owl. Since he was a birdwatcher, it seemed to be in character. It even became his trademark. He hasn’t done that in a number of years since his dementia has progressed. I do understand how annoying it can be. At times I was embarrassed as well as annoyed. I hope you can find a solution.

ThisLife

I realize this is MC. and I'm not sure what he would or wouldn't understand. Has any of the staff asked him to stop, be quieter/whisper, etc.? I would think staff would try to divert or direct his attention to something. Maybe these have already been done or it is obvious that these things would not work. I wouldn't hesitate to kindly bring your wife's discomfort to staff.

SDianeL

I read that many people with dementia make noises of different types. Moaning, grunting, dog barking. It's usually when they are stressed and it's for comfort. I would definitely speak to management.