Each time a new symptom appears it's a jolt to my system

Anna2022

We've been on this journey for two years and I've seen many symptoms of my DH's cognitive decline show up during this time. Each time one appears, it's a jolt to my system, even tho I know to expect more, it's just that each one arrives dressed up differently that expected! One example: We've rocked along for awhile with little change but this past week, DH and I were together signing up for a subscription and DH wanted to use his credit card. He was having so much trouble with the process and I was sitting with him so I offered to help. Turns out he couldn't figure out what numbers were the 3 digit security code. He kept entering numbers and then saying he didn't know how those wrong numbers got there. My heart sank - another jolt to the system, another symptom of impairment. I guess the good news is that he probably won't be using a credit card much anymore - one less thing to worry about. The bad news is, well, you all know what the bad news is.

Oh yes, the results of the first MRI are in and now we wait to meet with the doctor to hear the interpretation. Waiting is often worse than the news itself.

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Jgirl57

Anna2022, it is indeed a jolt and heartbreaking and can be frustrating to you both .This week my HWD/Alz could not recall our grandkids names. Hugs to you …

SDianeL

I know exactly how you feel. My DH is about where your DH is but he hasn't used a credit or debit card in months. He was diagnosed 2 years ago with dementia (they think vascular). My jolt was last week when he had an appointment with a new doctor, a Geriatric Psychiatrist because of his agitation and anger. She asked him a lot of questions. But I was shocked at how many questions he couldn't answer and looked to me to answer. What really jolted me was when she asked him if he had any children... and he said no. 😪 He had 1 daughter who died in 2015 from alcoholism and has one who is disabled and living in another state. I was so shocked that he said no that I had tears in my eyes and had to turn my head so he wouldn't see my reaction. The doctor saw me and nodded her head to let me know she understood my shock. I calmly tried to answer her but my voice was cracking. He didn't seem to remember it later so that is a blessing. He calls his grandson his daughter's brother. and lately when I mention a family member or friend's name he looks puzzled and asks me who I'm talking about. He's between Stage 5 and Late Stage 5, I think. The diagnosis didn't help us much. It just gave the fear a name.

Denise1847

I totally understand the "jolt." My DH's recent memory test score was 3/30. Yesterday he didn't take a shower (he has always been a very clean man). This morning, I intervened and suggested he take a shower and he told me he did. I showed his the dry shower, dry wash cloth and dry towel. It took him awhile to accept it but he did get in the shower. He will wear the same clothes from the day before or put them back in the closet. I have to pre-empt the selection (when he doesn't see me) to give him fresh clothes. I just ordered adult diapers and had them delivered to my sister's home to be prepared with what will be coming next. I am so very weary, scared, sad and sometimes angry. The only redeeming part of this journey is that I have gotten to meet some very fine people on this forum. In a world full of hate and selfishness, our forum friends are a breath of fresh air and they strengthen my soul.

Jan524

Hi, Denise1847. This is my first post. My 70 year old husband was tested and diagnosed with AD about 6 months ago. I estimate current stage 4. I came to this forum today specifically looking for answers about a problem with showering and wearing clean clothes that we're facing. He's a doctor and was a dedicated daily shower taker. It's now been over a week since he's bathed and I suspect that he is forgetting to use deodorant also. He sleeps in underwear and a tee shirt and when he gets out of bed he puts yesterday's clothes over the same underwear, day after day. I'm wondering if any of you have ideas about how a wife who adores her husband and would never hurt his feelings or his pride can begin a discussion about cleanliness that will embarrass and (lately) anger him.

Ed1937

Hi Jan. Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you are going through this too. I hope you don't mind, but I copied your post, and I will start a new discussion with it. That will get better answers for you.

Pinkscarf

The jolts never stop. Some days, I can deal with them. Others, I fall apart. Sadly, they get worse. Sometimes, they are funny and you can actually both laugh. Treasure those times.

Ed1937

Anna, I've always said there are no unimportant losses. Every one of them hurts, whether it's because they are repeating questions or becoming incontinent. They are both unexpected when it happens, even though you may know it's probably coming.

Walter0617

I just joined this forum and am already relieved to see I'm not alone in some of the issues I'm dealing with. My DW was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 5 years ago. She was early onset and is now 69 years old. Her doctors tell me she is about 18 months from late stage. I still have her at home but am beginning to consider memory care. She often doesn't know who I am and is beginning to not recognize our adult sons and grandkids. She wears the same clothes for a week at a time, including sleeping in them and is very resistant if I try to get her to change clothes. She hasn't showered in over two years, but does stay clean by taking sponge baths in the sink. I manage her meds, cook all the meals and generally try to make sure her needs are met. She is often agitated with me, so her doctor prescribed Seroquel, which does seem to help, at least for a while. I still work part-time and rely on my adult children for support in staying with her. I've also lined up paid help when needed. The biggest issue I'm facing currently is trying to figure out when it would be best to move her into memory care. Since I can't afford the $70k annual cost of private pay facilities, I would have to use Medicaid, which is a complex process. If anyone has experience with the Medicaid process, I would appreciate hearing from you.

Anna2022

@Walter0617 Welcome to the forum and I'm sorry you have to be here. You seem like a great caregiver to your DW and she is lucky to have you by her side.

Sometimes its helpful to start a new thread/message, especially your questions about Medicaid, so that others will comment more readily. Your questions/comments deserve to be seen and read!!

Jeanne C.

@Walter0617 yes, definitely put your medicaid questions as a new thread. One thing I will suggest is talking to a CELA. The process is very complex and our attorney has long-term care planning expertise for our state (each state is different). I'm going through the application process now and I truly couldn't do it alone.

Ed1937

I'm starting a new thread for Walter.

Walter0617

Thanks for the helpful comments! I will definitely start a new thread. Still learning how to navigate the comment section!