Moms Incontinence on another level

VeronicaQ

I've had two incidents w mom having bathroom accidents when we are away from home. I was so distraught / on the verge of tears when I caught her handling her waste/ putting hands in toilet. Has anyone ever experienced this? When I react she's so nonchalant about it / trying to give me a reason as to why its ok. It's not okay. I'm not okay

SusanB-dil

Hi Veronica - That is a rough situation for sure! No, it is not ok. Do tell her doc.

In the meantime, if she is still using the bathroom as she should (other than that, of course), could you stand just outside, so when done, this doesn't happen?

Marta

Veronica: what you are describing leads me to believe your mother should no longer be left alone!

She is nonchalant about these incidents because she has no idea what is happening and because she has ANOSOGNOSIA (please Google the term). It means that her brain is broken and she, therefore, does not realize anything is wrong.

VeronicaQ

@SusanB-dil I was outside the door when it happened the 2nd time. She moves quickly and the door was larched. I have to be in the stall w her. The 1st time it happened she locked herself in the bathroom @ the laundromat; it was nightmarish. I was completely unprepared for this. I now carry an essentials bag everywhere we go.

harshedbuzz

@VeronicaQ

This behavior is not unusual. Most folks don't talk about it-- outside of a support group where folks understand-- because of the desire to maintain dignity. Just know that it happens more than you'd think.

When a PWD starts to lose the ability to manage all the steps to toileting, it is time to insert yourself into the process as she's likely not washing her hands or might put something down the toilet which could clog it. It might even be something of value like a document or jewelry.

It's great that you've already started to bring a bag of essential items along. Please know that the loss of this ADL (toileting independently) is a harbinger of incontinence so you might want to take steps to be prepared for that transition. I would cover her bed in a 6-sided waterproof protector now.

HB

ErikaK

Not unusual for sure. Yesterday we were trying to figure out what Dad was doing in the bathroom for so long. He was trying to "clean" which was smearing feces all over the bathroom and trying to flush a depends down the toilet. Of course he had also put his jeans back on without the depends and had not cleaned himself. That was a lot of clorox cleaner. That was also the third time that we had to clean him up and change him. He's gotten so much worse in the last month or so even our every other week respite care noticed. I recieved word this week that one of the local group homes has an opening for him, and the group assisted living is so much more affordable than the memory care places. They have 9 residents and all day/night staff, I feel like crap about it but we just can't have eyes on him 24/7.

TGMathis

My mom had a few of what I called “shit storms” when she lived with me: poo all over her hands, her clothes, the walls. More recently, in public bathrooms when I take her places, I go in with her and notice she wipes with her hands. I know she does it in the care home too because her fingernails always have poo underneath them. I asked her doctor whether this poo was a problem and the doctor said I should wash my hands after touching hers, but that it wasn’t causing her a problem: any bacteria in her poo was bacteria she already had. Her current caregivers are (finally), keeping her nails trimmed short. A nurse suggested a dab of mentholatum under my nose to help with the smell when I was cleaning her/the bathroom up.

housefinch

As a physician I’m surprised a physician would say not to worry about feces under fingernails. I mean, saying the person already “had” that bacteria. I am struggling to picture how an elderly person who already has a weaker immune system at baseline from age isn’t at risk from that situation. Sorry, I know I’m creating more worries by saying this. Obviously, you have to choose what battles to fight in that incredibly difficult situation.