Anosognosia and a person's right to contribute and know what's going on

darcytg

My LO's depressed and sad about leaving her home soon and many other things. She wants to move near her family and I feel that's what would be best for her. They will visit her and be with her.

Currently the plan is memory cate 1000's of milea from them, near her DPOA. Her DPOA carrs and wants her safe and nearby.

My LO chose her DPOA a few years back and no longer feels comfortable with the relationship. " I feel like a commodity".

My LO has been very present lately. Soundly in stage4, with stage 5 forays. I noticed early on that fear focuses her, then takes a toll. Maybe just my own projection, but it feels righ to me. I have little voice in all this and just want to love on my loved one as best I can.

Holding us all in peace and gentleness.

darcytg

Gettiing back to my topic...

How much and how often do I repeat the simple truths? They hurt a new each time.

Tired and sad.

M1

That's really tough darcy, have you read the POA papers to see if there's a mechanism for revoking or calling in a backup? If she is stage 4-5 it may be too late for her to be competent to make changes and that's very difficult.

It may help you, however, to recognize that proximity to family may not make a whole lot of difference in memory care. It may be a question of who visits and how often--which is usually less than most would expect. If her POA is dedicated and acting in good faith, she may be fine where she is. I would NOT keep talking to her about the upcoming move, it will likely just upset her more. She cannot retain the information and process it, so it comes new information each time. Many here (including me) just take them to the facilty on the day of the move, let the staff handle it from there, and then slip out.

darcytg

M1, I appreciate your support of the people on these boards deeply. I actually got 8 hours of sleep last night, the second time in 2 months. Hurray!

I have not read the paper work. Her POA is acting in good faith and my LO's grandchildren are next in line if her POA predeceases my LO.

My LO is terrified to leave her home and my concern is that she will decline quickly without people she trusts to visit. Since there is no way to know how long that will matter to my LO, it's just devastating.

I try to only respond with short simple truths when my LO brings up the topics. Though lately she's been very aware and talks lots and makes plans. I try to be honest, make emotional connection and then redirect.

My LO has mentioned wanting to die at least 4 times since I've been here over 2 months. Her regular dr did a screening for depression, in which my LO " covered" or just didnt remember how to answer.

As the move gets planned and worked out, I am already trying to figure out logistics and items to take.

Its likely I am more pre-upset than my LO by the enormity of all the "little" losses...that potentially will happen.

Stay in the moments. Here, now.

My LO often carries deep grief fore being here, away from my life and the ansognosia prevents her from understanding why I dont just go home.

So much ravagment for so many of us.

Love and light, and profound gratitude to everyone here.

harshedbuzz

This is a knotty situation.

What is the relationship of the POA to the PWD? Is it a life-long friend or romantic partner type arrangement? Is this POA still very invested in the role or would they be open to ceding to the grandchildren who presumably are older and perhaps more capable to take on the role now than when the original document was written. You could consult the attorney who drew up the POA and ask if s/he'd consider her competent to make changes. It's the attorney who makes the call around competency. The other option could be guardianship. Given that the grandchildren are already back-ups and not some new gold-digging "boyfriend" they may prevail if they're organized and on the same page.

HB

darcytg

POA is a lifelong friend and willing. Also, very busy with her life, love, family and business. Her love is true and she's a take no shi* peraon with my LO'S safety paramount in her decision processes. The POA asked early on, in a moment of frustration, if I wanted the POA. I said I'd need to understand what that entailed and we've rolled on with no further discussion along those lines.

Sadly, my LO's perception of this lifelong beautiful relationship is impacted by the disease...paranoia creeping in around POA's motives, etc.

Grandchild 1, first in line, has zero interest or willingness

Grandchild 2, is willing , young and inexperienced...also attending college FT.

My husband is struggling without me home and understands I'm where I need to be right now to walk with my LO in these difficult times. I'm trying to stay out of assumptions and truly think this may take several more months. I am blessed to have employment that allows extended abscence without repercussions other than financial.

I'm stuggling with guilt over neglecting being with my mom, who is elderly and has many physical limitations and who has a loving husband with her. She's very supportive of me being here, yet here i sit with all these feelings and opportunities.

Anyone have a self cloning and teleportation device I can borrow? Lol

Enjoy the moments and breathe...