Doesn't want my help.

BarnesL

Just wondering how you all handel something like this. My DW is a very stubborn person. All I want to do is offer my help but she gets offended and calls herself stupid. She is very confused with any tech stuff. If I offer help on anything there is a big crying seen and telling me she's just to stupid. Then she gets mad at me for trying to help.

I have stopped offering my opinion on any thing because it's always wrong according to her. It's hard not to just say I don't care , but I do love her want very much to help. Thanks for any advice. I hope I can get through this with her.

jfkoc

I gave a bell to my husband to ring if he needed me....basis was that I was heard of hearing. A whistle would also work.

M1

Very hard to hold your tongue and wait until she asks for help. By tech stuff do you mean computer and phone? Both can become dangerous for a person with dementia because of potential for scams, and you might do well to consider disabling them or disappearing them. You can do simple things like switch them into airplane mode, or change your wifi password, and then when hers won't work, say they are broken, need replacement, are waiting for parts, whatever.

Fortunately when it came to online banking, my partner wasn't very computer savvy. A strategy that worked for me was to cajole her into letting me handle the books by saying cheerfully that I was happy to function as her "executive assistant." That worked because she had been a very successful businesswoman for a long time.

HollyBerry

I get it. She gets nasty if I offer too soon and crabby if I don't offer soon enough and she can't do it on her own. I sometimes say "do you want a suggestion or do you want to let me know if you need help?" Then I deliberately look away and wait.

Re the phone or tablet - it drives her crazy when there are updates that change what things look like. I set them to manual update now and try to go as long as possible without updating. I snoop on the iPad, which let's me look at her email and texts. She stays off of Facebook but likes the NextDoor app, which I can also snoop. She does nothing online with a credit card and distrusts online banking.

She dropped her phone in water (the dog dish?) somehow on Sunday, but has no memory of it. Today we took it to the repair place and looked like idiots with a wet phone and no idea of how it got that way. I really hope they can fix it... I hate the thought of buying another that she might use for another year.

ButterflyWings

@HollyBerry we revived a drowned cell phone by putting it in a big bowl of rice for 2 days. Completely surround and cover it with the rice. I don't know how it absorbed all the moisture, but it did.

MarkW13

This seems to be a fairly common behavior, and one that I struggle with along with my DW. It is also common to want to help your loved one in any way you can, but sometimes you just have to give her some space. When I see my DW getting upset/frustrated at my attempts to help her, I usually just remind her that I am simply trying to help make her life easier. If the behavior persists I will back off and just let her know that if she needs help to just ask, and this works much of the time.

Stan2

Trying to be helpful but still allowing DW her privacy and independence is my struggle as well. There is a fine line between helping and taking over and I constantly find myself tripping over that line. When I overstep and DW becomes agitated I find it is best for me to simply apologize and ask forgiveness. It serves no purpose to try and explain my actions or defend them. Just make peace and move on.

My role in this situation is to make sure she is safe, comfortable and as happy as I can make her. It isn't necessary for me to be "right".