93 YO's dog died; keeps asking to get a new one

pnw23

93 YO mom with "severe" SVD and suspected dementia had an elderly dog (with her 16 years) that passed at the vet's 9 days ago. Mom had her three kids with her and after talking with us and the vet, agreed it was time. We've always had dogs in our family so this was really hard. After leaving the vet, Mom said she'd never get to have another dog because she's old. It was truly heartbreaking to hear. Over the next few days, she said she is lonesome without a dog around but didn't (and hasn't) mentioned her deceased dog's name or said she misses that specific dog. She also started saying she really wants another dog and now asks us multiple times a day when she can get one. I would love to get her one but I'm solely responsible for her and thus, a new dog. I'm starting a new full-time/hybrid job and live in a condo and cannot take in a dog should something happen to Mom. She has SVD (that she's forgotten about) and will see a neurologist for the first time next week. I will ask the Dr. for an opinion. In the mean time, my sis and I are putting her off with "love lies" related to my job and my sis's divorce, in the hopes she'll eventually forget this idea. After talking with me yesterday, she called my sis and suggested that they get her dog and "leave [me] out of it." Ugh. She's not at the plush-dog stage yet. Welcome your advice and thank you for reading. This site has been so helpful.

SusanB-dil

ooh... I was thinking of plush. In this case, I would just continue with the 'not now/not yet' fiblets.

I hope sis is on 'same page' and in agreement with you, which would be very good.

mommyandme (m&m)

I’m really sorry you are having to manage this too. My mom had two cats and when one needed to be put down, she had no idea, as far as I could tell. She was well into stage 6 at that point. We didn’t talk about it nor did she see me packing the cat up for the vet. In fact I didn’t know the cat was as sick as she was, a cancerous tumor in her mouth, thought she’d come home, yet she didn’t. Wish it was that easy for everyone.

I thought maybe your mom could volunteer (with supervision) at a dog or cat shelter. But as I think through it, probably just make her want to bring one or all of them home.

Wish I had a real solution for you. Let us know what you decide.

M1

Hi pnw and welcome to the forum. There was a discussion on the spouse's page just this weekend about the pros and cons of pets with dementia, if you scroll down you should see it. I think you are right in this situation to defer, even though it's hard. You have enough on your plate, and any pet that is new could be a definite trip hazard for her.

JJPups

I am a caregiver for my mom, though she lives with my dad. They have a 15 year old cat and the cat has reached the point where she has kidney disease / frequent urination, arthritis, and other medical issues. She is also a long hair cat that is no longer able to clean herself well and has been getting matted. It's added a lot of responsibility onto my plate to help manage the cat as I can tell my father is not able to take care of her all that well beyond feeding her (both his own physical limitations and the demands of caring for mom). Mom is advanced with dementia and does things like tries to feed the cat odd things (yesterday it was part of a banana). If I could find a way to rehome the cat, I would gladly do that. Just sharing some of my experiences in this area. I wonder if in your mom's case there might be somewhere to go for animal therapy on a regular basis?

MN Chickadee

Sad as it is for an animal lover, it doesnt sound like another dog is a good idea for either of you at this time. I'd keep deferring and kicking that can down the road. New excuses, always will look into it sometime soon. Eventually she will forget to ask. Many PWD take to a robotic pet to the surprise of their caregivers. Joy For All makes nice products. My mother loved her robo kitty.

housefinch

Based on your description of her level of functioning, I think a robot dog would be worth trying. I suspect she could be less suspicious that it’s not a real dog than you think, particularly since she hasn’t asked about her dog that just died. Sending you comfort and strength with whatever you decide.

pnw23

Thank you everyone. We have an official diagnosis of mixed dementia (VD/AD). I've held a robotic cat before and it was pretty neat so that may be what we provide as she progresses. As far as the dog or "doggy," she is still asking but a little less often. We have some fiblets going although there is some truth as we did look around and consider all scenarios before returning to a solid no-dog commitment. Interestingly, she is notably more active in other things in her community. Thanks again!

nsglobe

@pnw23 ... it seems you have a viable plan in place already; however, if things change, I was wondering if your local Humane Society has a fostering program. That would keep costs and commitments to a minimum for you; but let your Mom feel the love of the animal. If she were to worsen, the animal would be returned to them.

I, myself, am a dog lover (I have 3 large dogs). I cannot imagine being without at least one. I understand they take work and commitment that might not be possible and that is OK too. I was just trying to come up with another possibility for you should you need it.

Smilescountry

I would get in touch with a pet therapy group. My husband participates in one, and several of the members take their dogs to visit people with dementia. Where we are, some visit nursing homes, but others work through home health care or hospice. Even so, there is nothing to keep someone with a certified therapy dog from working directly with you, at least in our experience. Here is a list of therapy groups. I cannot speak about any of them except a couple, but perhaps you can find one close to you. https://www.akc.org/sports/title-recognition-program/therapy-dog-program/therapy-dog-organizations/