Mom's in Hospice

Istoppedescaping

Hello, so I please need some advice and support. Since we put mom in Hospice, my anxiety level has gone to the roof. I went back to therapy and am feeling better. I am struggling financially with my job, sometimes I make enough money to live comfortably and like now I am broke again and living on a credit card. I want to find a more consistent job to support myself financially however I feel that I need to wait till my mother passes. Because I know I will be devastated when she passes and I believe will go to sleep.

So my question is if anyone has been or is going through the same thing. What did you do or are doing and works. I need help. If someone here can help me, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you 😊

mabelgirl

I have not had the experience you are having. You seem to have these 2 stressors on you. One is within your control the other is not. I think if you focused on your job/finances you would feel better as that is something you can work on and somewhat control. Your mom is in good hands and I feel to make anything contingent on her passing really adds to your stress. You can’t control the timing of her passing. I feel for you and hope you find a way to balance your life situation.

prayers for peace for you.

fmb

I have not been in your exact situation, but I have been putting off taking care of a serious health situation until DH passes. I need to have cataract surgery and need to have it done while I still have his health insurance. I'm not employed, am too young for Medicare, and will have to buy an obamacare policy with a very large deductible, essentially paying cash for the surgery.

In speaking with a hospice social worker this week, she asked me a very important question. "If your husband were not impaired, what would he want you to do?" Without even thinking, I replied, "He would tell me to get the cataracts done like yesterday!" I put the wheels in motion and am tentatively scheduled to have the first eye done on June 19.

So if your mother were not impaired, what do you think she would want you to do about your job/financial situation? That is the question you need to ask yourself.

Istoppedescaping

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/210376#Comment_210376

Hi mabelgirl, you are so right. I cannot control when she passes and have an opportunity to better my situation financially. Thank you so much for your comment. God bless you!

Istoppedescaping

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/210421#Comment_210421

Hi fmb, you are right. My mother would want me to get a better job to be happy. My sister said the same thing yesterday, mom wants you to be happy. When I hear it twice I believe it's from God.

Get those cateracts done. 😁

Thank you so much for your reply. God bless you 🙏.

Anonymousjpl123

it’s so easy to put our own needs and likes off thinking they can wait until we are not caregivers.

So glad you got some good advice. You absolutely deserve to take care of yourself while caring for your mom. And don’t be too hard on yourself: juggling work and my mom and family has been a nightmare for me that has slowly gotten better nearly 2 years after I became her caregiver. It’s ok. You will be ok, and yes: it’s ok to take an afternoon, a day, or 2 to take care of you every week: I believe you must.

Istoppedescaping

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/210474#Comment_210474

Hello Anonymous, I have written it down first to focus on the things that I can control and my Mom would want me to be happy!! I actually incorporated it in my prayers and today I feel better. I just saw mom kissed her, hugged and prayed with her. I also started wearing a mask in the nursing home, I keep getting sick when I visit. Just a precaution. Have a great day and thanks again for helping me. 😊