Yesterday's Adult Day Care Center tour

SBGal

Yesterday went with MIL to tour an Adult Day Care Center. My main motivation about her going to the adult day care center is just to get her out of the house to socialize and do some activity. I was nervous and feeling guilty about taking her. She kept asking where we were going. My fiblet was that a friend volunteers at this place (left it vague) and invited us to do a tour of the facility. We were greeted by one of the staff when we arrived. Nice people, and nice place, but not for Mom. Immediately the locked entry doors made me realize this was not the place for her. Mom's very forgetful but she doesn't wander.

While touring the building and outdoor area, we passed some of the attendees. A couple of younger folks, which honestly surprised me. I could tell that Mom's mental condition was much better than the attendees.

What I was upset with the most was the sit-down with the staff at the end. They had a portfolio packet with applications, waivers, information, etc.. As the staff member started to go thru everything and passing them in front of us, there was clearly papers that said "Alzheimer's….low cognition…etc." While Mom has visited a neurologist a couple of times, and the family told she has dementia, I don't know that she has heard that directly. The interaction put me in a very uncomfortable position. I think the staff also realized Mom's cognitive level is higher, and suggested she may prefer to attend some speaker talks/discussions they hold 2x a week, rather than an all day attendance.

As soon as we left and got into the car she asked, "Why did we go to that place?". I told her that I was looking for somewhere where she could socialize and do some activities and get her out of the house more during the week. She was a bit pissed, and said, 'I go off with my friend' and "do Meals on Wheels'. Yes you do, but that is only one day a week, they are not separate events! And she only goes for the drive during Meals on Wheels, she no longer does the actual work. She has no motivation, and just sits in her home while my husband and I are at work, watching TV, and basically wallows in her boredom and grief. She calls her siblings, and one out of town friend each day, sometimes multiple times.

Between the car ride home and until she went to bed she asked me another 4 times "Why did we go to that place today?". 'I don't need that. I am fine with they way things are'. Sigh…..

mabelgirl

You know it strikes me that although dementia is different in every person, I then read a post that sounds a lot like my mom. The only difference is at least your MIL gets out once a week. It takes all kinds of effort to get my mom out of her room!
Before mom started to decline she liked the normal senior activity center in the community. I could never leave here alone though because I was too nervous she’d forget where she was at. Could your mom handle that? I know it kills me that my otherwise physically healthy mother just wallows in her room.

SBGal

Sorry about your Mom! It very tough knowing they have the ability to do more, but just won't. No, even if we had a regular Senior Center, my MIL wouldn't get involved. Not her thing, sadly. She says she is content, so I will have to let her be. At least until we see some safety issues…

M1

I think it’s helpful to remember it’s not that they “won’t,” it’s that they CAN’T. I said the same thing recently on another thread. They don’t have the executive function to do other things.

SBGal

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/211797#Comment_211797

You are absolutely correct! I always think it is her personality or will, but it is the disease.

H1235

My mom is reluctant to get involved in activities at AL and I think it is because she thinks the activities are beneath her. Since she thinks there is nothing wrong with her and that she is still capable of doing everything she did years ago (she is not). AL crafts seem juvenile. She give me eye rolls at the activities offered.