mom thinks I'm her sister etc.

BabstheBus

My sister and I are adopted. So the latest focus for my mom is asking everyone where her kids are. She knows I'm Jennifer, but thinks I'm a different Jennifer than in all the pictures. She thinks her kids are still little girls. And she thinks I'm her sister. Yesterday she called my aunt and cousin to ask who took her kids. And she has forgotten her 38 year marriage. She thinks my dad left her to go back in the army and is mad at him for not calling her anymore. She is worried her kids were taken back to the adoption "home" and is worried she doesn't have any money to "buy them" back. She is distressed about not taking care of her kids and says she doesn't know where they live and they don't know where she is. And one day when all this started, she was "waiting for Phil to come pick her up because they are going to get babies". Then she said "but Phil's not coming, he doesn't even call me anymore". My dad died 24 years ago.

It's a tough one for various reasons. I redirect as often as possible.

ShaynaPitts

MMajor mood swings with mom. It's hard to handle mom because of her highs and lows. She notan easy person to deal with.

SusanB-dil

Hi BabstheBus - I'm sorry you are facing that.

My mom thinks I am her sister. The first time she did that really threw me for a loop. MIL has no idea who I am or why I am around.

Yes - best you can do is redirect concerning dad. A totally different subject if possible. I know sometimes our LO gets fixated on a subject, so it can be difficult. You could try a favorite treat. 'Phil is out for now, how about some ice cream?' Maybe try 'the kids are at ___ (camp, school, grandma's) and won't be back for a few days, how about a sandwich?'

SusanB-dil

ShaynaPitts - perhaps who holds POA or HIPPA rights could speak to her doctor about something to steady her moods. If you don't have those rights, you can still tell her doc what's up, they just can't reply back.

Anonymousjpl123

It is very jarring when they confuse parts of your lives - like knowing she has children, knowing something happened with adoption, but not connecting you now - as an adult - with those things! I think the most important thing is to realize her brain is just really holding on to slivers.

Today my mom told someone we were chatting with “well it was her older sister” (pointing to me) who really made the move happen, rented the apartment, got everything done.” Needless to say there is no older sister lol. I think in that moment she’s thinking of me as her daughter and not as someone who could do all of those “grown up” things. Other times she talks about “our mom.”

Re: your dad, I would say redirecting is the way to go. That’s what I do. It’s very upsetting when occasionally my mom will ask “what happened to your father?” Depending on her state I’ll either say “mom, he passed, wasn’t that sad?” Or I’ll say “I think he went out.” It really just depends on the moment. It’s very unsettling though for sure.