Young spouse here for support and friends

AlzWife2023

Hello, my spouse is older. He does not have EO, but we have three children and I am only 51 so I’m looking for people my age to relate to who are caring for spouses with dementia. My DH had signs for at least ten years and who knows, maybe more. I’ve found great support on the spouses’ page but many are retired and not struggling with the personal and financial issues of a woman my age.

Today is day two of me REALLY realizing that our relationship is over. No more fantasies, half truths, or anger. I am his caregiver. We are not partners, friends, lovers or equals anymore. He has not been a parent to our children for a very long time.

Lgb35

hi! I am 54. Our kids are grown in their mid twenties. DH is 61. We both are still working full time. I am trying to get him to quit and go on SSDI but he is afraid if he doesn’t have to think he will decline faster. We seem to have additional challenges while dealing with this at a younger age

AlzWife2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/217834#Comment_217834

hi @Lgb35 do the doctor’s agree that he should continue working? What’s the benefit of SSDI now over continuing to work? Have you spoken with an elder lawyer? I have not …wanted to do everything myself and got Medicaid done & other important stuff but I think I will make an appointment soon b/c things will only get more complicated as time passes and his condition worsens.

Lgb35

hi sorry I took so long to reply. The main concern with continuing to work is the liability. DH has not told his employer yet and does a lot of driving for his job. He does not have any benefits through work that we are trying to preserve. The doctors are not as concerned with his driving as I am. He has some areas on testing that are extremely low yet other areas are very high. So the executive function areas of his brain are still high functioning. I have a good job and work from home. I also thankfully carry the health insurance. I think I can manage our bills with my income. Things will definitely be tight and probably one unforeseen event to mess it all up. This is so much to take in.

AlzWife2023

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/219870#Comment_219870

Yes, it’s a lot to deal with. It sounds like he should take SSDI. It’s a good check & the liability issue is real. He should find another job to keep him busy where he doesn’t have to drive. Didn’t the doctor say something about not driving in the future, if not now?

I found that I was unable to process all the changes to my life at once and so I froze. All the decisions we have to make now are extremely difficult and involve loss or sacrifice. Making one decision at a time and starting with the facts (not emotions or the if/but stuff) will relieve some of the pressure. Think of the worst case scenario and ask him and yourself if you’re willing to accept that outcome.