Not that she'll remember, but....

Daisie

I'm wondering if my mom's PCP can have a conversation with me and my mom about moving her into MC. Not that my mom will remember having the conversation, but she seems to respect what her doctor always has to say….and it will be in writing in her after-visit summary.

M1

False hope I think Daisie. She can’t reason, and it’s just likely to make her more mad at you and the doc. I thought that if my partner heard a diagnosis of dementia from our doctor that she would have an “aha” moment and understand from that point forward that she was impaired. He laughed at me when I brought it up. I would proceed with your plans and not have the doc discuss it with her. Hard I know.

H1235

Mom’s doctor recommended AL. The first time I told my brother about it because she was living with him at the time, he tells me “mom and I talked about it and decided she is fine to stay here”🙄. The next time she went to the doctor I insisted my brother go with us. The doctor again suggested AL. Mom still didn’t see the need and thought it was ridiculous. But with some pushing it did convince my brother. We told mom that she was going to AL because that was what the doctor recommended. She has always put a lot of trust in doctors opinions. I think it might have taken some of the blame off us. I don’t think it made anything worse. It was still not a pleasant move. It might be worth a try. But I wouldn’t get your hopes up.

Quilting brings calm

I moved my parents into an AL. I managed that because we had to emergency move them back to our home state for medical care. They didn’t have a place to stay, and rehab wouldn’t release my mom until their apartment at the AL was ready.

My step-dad complained for months ( a year or so) about it. He complained to the PCP. The PCP fiat out told him it was where they needed to br because it was safer for them. When dad asked why, the doctor explained about kitchen fires. At the time, mom was the one diagnosed with cognitive issues.
Didn't do any good. Dad still complained. He finally quit complaining about two years in. Probably finally realized his limitations- and that he couldn't take care of mom on his own.

JM27

Hi Daisie,

After my LOs nureological testing his PCP and I spoke about her just planting the seed about it going to be a recommendation he not drive. I didn’t think he would remeber. He did but his story is a woman some person recommended he not drive and he told her he doesn’t drive half as much as he use to and everywhere he goes is only 10 mins away. Needless to say he is not driving anymore because I have moved him in with me. So he did remeber but of course not the important details so in our case it did not help.

harshedbuzz

@Daisie

Piling onto what M1 said, it could also backfire.

We'd already made the decision to place dad and needed a pre-admission physical for admission to the MCF. When the PCP looked at the form, he told my mom <brightly, as if he were throwing her a lifeline> "there are places called assisted living where you could both move in together instead of sending him to live alone".

In his defense, he didn't manage dad's psychoactive medications and wasn't aware of his aggression and recent ideation about he and mom "dying at the same time since they do everything together". Fortunately, dad didn't recall the conversation, but it was very upsetting at the time.

HB

kristin612

My parents had a total lack of insight into Dad's symptoms and what his disease was going to do to him. They refused to listen to their children or their PCP. Stayed far too long in their condo. We were unable to move them until Dad was suffering from malnutrition and ended up in the hospital. At that point, two doctors said he no longer had the capacity to make decisions, and his healthcare POA kicked in. The transition was extremely difficult for the whole family, especially Dad. Lack of insight is one of the worst aspects of MCI. And it is impossible to reason with someone who has dementia. Until we had POA, we were unable to get them out of their condo. If you have POA use it. I don't know anyone who says they went to MC too soon.