I don't think I can do this anymore...

Bailey's Mom

My husband is so rude, mean and nasty I feel like I don't want to take care of him anymore. He has had 4 meltdowns already today…which all end in him degrading me in every way imaginable. He complains constantly about me having access to his finances (god knows I wish I didn't have to),but he can't handle even the simplest transaction now. We just went to walmart (a complete nightmare) and he had a tantrum when we got home because I bought $25 of items for our dog that were not food related which he put on his credit card…I told him in the store that I would be paying him back, but, of course, he says I am lying. Keep in mind that he pays only for food and gas…I pay for everything else…rent, internet, insurance, utilities, etc. I booked a vacation in the FL Keys because I figure we probably won't be able to go anywhere soon…I am paying for it…now he wants me to cancel the "effing" thing because he doesn't want to go anywhere with me. I am going anyway and he can join me if he wants. We have been married for 56 years and life is almost over and now being wasted…I really am beginning to dislike him. Sorry for the rant…you must all think I'm awful…but I am about over it!

terei

No, you’re not awful. Your wellbeing is just as important as his. Do not cancel, but start a long term plan that includes ong term care for him

M1

I agree with terei. Here's the thing: if you can't stand him, no one else will be able to either. You need to get him medicated to control this before you can even consider placement. I'm so sorry. But he likely shouldn't have a credit card, much less be going to Wal-Mart (or the Keys for that matter). His behavior is telling you that he can't function any more and your life will be better if you don't put him in those situations. Easier said than done i know.

Crkddy

This disease is awful as caregivers know all too well. Your feelings are predictable and understandable. Do not blame yourself. You must place a priority on your own care. I assume your husband is under a doctor's care….seek help to get his behavior under control. If possible, find someone to help you with caregiving so that you can take well deserved breaks, even if only for a few hours at a time. Getting respite is the only way that I have survived this journey thus far.

Bailey's Mom

I think you're right…he just can't handle being in situations with sensory overload…like walmart. Plus he is used to controlling every aspect of our lives and micromanaging everything. Not being able to do that anymore is really difficult for him. He has always been an angry person, but now it is almost constant and he has a hair trigger. I almost have to laugh…he yells and yells and I don't say a word and then he accuses me of jumping down his throat…can't win in this situation! He does have a good side that I am still in love with, but it is surfacing less and less. Guess it's time to have a consult with an eldercare atty…thought I would have more time to think about things first.

SDianeL

So sorry you are going through this. This terrible disease causes this behavior. The only thing that will stop it is medication. He’s agitated. Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husbands diagnosis. Speak to an attorney now. Within 6 months my husband could no longer read & understand documents or sign his name. Tell him you are both doing it in case anything happens to either one of you. Have a primary & alternate name on both. Cancel his credit cards and take over paying bills. Take his keys or disable the vehicle. Don’t wait. Get a referral from his PCP to a Geriatric Psychiatrist who is best to regulate his meds.keep a list of his behaviors and speak to the Geri Psyche doctor privately before the appointment. Not in front of him. Tell him that his PCP wants him to see this other doctor. No need to tell him what kind of doctor. Start looking into memory care and get on waiting lists if they have them.