Mom doesn't comprehend her disease

Packerkazoku

My poor Step Father reached a point, with his own health issues, that he could no longer safely care for my Mom. They live in a beautiful home, my Mom used to be able to stitch, sew, crochet, play the piano and was a wonderful cook. She was diagnosed a little less than a year ago with Alzheimers and the last 6 months has been a rapid cognitive decline. For both of their sakes, it was best to place Mom in a Memory Care center. It's my personal belief that today she envisions her home as it was 10-15 years ago. She tells me that I am punishing her by putting her into the care center. I have to start educating here on why she is where she is. Any suggestions, or experience with this?

SusanB-dil

Hi and welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

We usually don't try to reason or explain things with our LO. They won't 'get it'. Best case is to tell her that her house is being worked on and she will be in this new place for a while. You could tell her there has been a burst pipe, perhaps, and there has to be quite the clean-up…

You didn't put her into the care center, this horrid disease did. She most likely has anosognosia. This is not denial, but rather, the firm belief that nothing is wrong. This is her reality. We learn to go with the flow.

We hear you - MIL was a crafter, and my mom was accomplished on the piano. I HATE that alz took these gifts away from both of them, although mom could still play well into stage 6, and even beginning stage 7. She had learned to play when she was very young, but now we are further into stage 7.

Sorry you are dealing with 'this'.

H1235

Welcome. There is nothing! you can say to her that will allow her to understand why she needs to be there. The more you try to explain the more upset she will get. Anosognosia is a common symptom of dementia. It is the inability to recognize their symptoms or limitations. It makes things so difficult! Medication may help with anxiety or depression over this, but it can be difficult to find the right medication at the right dose. Good luck.

ARIL

As others have said, educating her in the traditional sense is not viable owing to the disease. It’s awful but true.

My LO—now in MC—has been comforted by the presence of familiar furniture, a quilt made by an aunt, pictures of old times (in a digital frame). We talk about these things a lot. Other people at the MCF look at handicraft magazines or do simple art projects with family or staff. None of this stops the questions about going “home,” but over time I have begun to see that “home” means a lot of places and feelings.

Instead of aiming at her understanding, you might aim at distraction: doing something together, telling funny stories of the past, talking about what you’ll do or who will visit in the next few days, etc.

Having said this, I also know that this is very difficult and the disease is relentless. Please remind yourself that the placement was the right choice and your mom is safe. That is an extremely important baseline.

SDianeL

One of the first things I read on this forum was “you can’t reason with someone whose reasoner is broken” Repeat that over and over. Also read the book “The 36 Hour Day” which helped me after my husband’s diagnosis. Search online for dementia caregiver videos. The more you know about the disease the better. It will help you help her. 💜