Denial

ignatz9285

How do I handle my sister's denial of having cognitive memory issues? She loses keys, jewelry,purse, glasses and paperwork daily. Even yells doctor she is doing fine.

GEH

I am sorry that you are going thru this. It must be very frustrating for you. My first gut reaction is that your sister just might be really scared. It might be that she is quite aware her memory is failing, it is scary for her and she is raging against the storm because she feels so powerless. Second thought regarding the misplacement of everything. Since I have lost most of the ability to mentally recall an image of where I had put a particular object down, I set up rules of where things are placed. For example, keys go on a hook just inside the door from my garage. I placed a hand written sign KEYS, just above the hook. Purse is always place in the same spot after I come in the door. I did that for a lot of items i found myself misplacing. Does it always work?? ... No, but the repetitive nature does tend to become habit and seems to help. Something maybe similar might help with your sister??? Just for a bit of levity, once, before I set up my "system", I spent over four hours tearing my house apart looking for my keys. Exhausted, I finally sat down on the couch and started to cry. I reached into my purse for a tissue and my fingers felt the sharp edge of my keys. They were in my purse all along.😆

eaglemom

Your sister 'thinks' she's fine, therefore she's fine. You clearly know differently and apparently so does her doctor. You will never convince her something is wrong.

What you have to do is find a work-a-round that helps you help her. Don't point out that she's misplacing things. Instead help her come up with a system that might help her. Like GEH said that will help, but not always. Maybe mention that you are starting to always put your keys on a hook by the door when you come in. Several days later remind her about the hook and say that's been really helpful to you. Leave it at that. A day or so later another casual mention that its a timesaver having the keys by the door. Ask if maybe she'd like to try that. You just have to go with the flow of how your sister thinks and reacts.

Hopefully others will be alone to give some suggestions.

eagle

Iris L.

Your sister's "denial" of having cognitive memory issues is a characteristic of dementia and is called anosognosia. This prevents the person from being aware of her own changes. If you confront her with reality, she will become upset, as you have observed. The solution is for you, the caregiver, to develop work-arounds. These are tactics to get your intended result. Coaching a memory impaired person to remember better is like coaching a blind person to see better.

Yes, she will tell the doctor that she is doing fine, because she truly believes she is fine. I invite you to visit the Caregivers board because they will have more suggestions for you. You may also learn many suggestions from the book The 36 Hour Day.

Iris

GEH

You know Iris L. .. I am not sure who died and made you God of this discussion board. Just because you do not agree with a comment a person is brave enough to contribute does not give you the right or reason to denigrate it or negatively comment on it. I thought that this was a safe place where people could share feelings, comments, fears, ideas, questions, concerns etc in a place where they would not be shamed, embarrassed, demeaned or denigrated. Seriously!!!! Get over yourself. Let us be to discuss and commiserate in the the way we best see fit. Bugger off. Eaglemom, I apologize for Iris L. rudeness. "Coaching a memory impaired person to remember better is like coaching a blind person to see better." is one of the most idiotic things I have ever heard. I do not tell my doctor "I am doing fine". I know I am not doing fine. I share with him my struggles, he empathetically listens and makes suggestions I could try. Do all of them work? Not necessarily but if two out of five works, thats good right?? Iris L. , either positively contribute or get off OUR conversation board. I apologize to everyone who had to read this but I am just so done with snide unhelpful demeaning comments. GEH

Cranddi

Iris L. has a long history of thoughtful, informative and caring posts. Her analogy was not intended to diminish or denigrate anyone. She was merely trying to highlight the fact that it can be difficult to teach new things to someone with cognitive decline.

GEH

I respectfully disagree. GEH

Iris L.

Anosognosia is real.

GEH, I am going to flag your comment as inappropriate and threatening.

Iris

ladyzetta

GEH. This is the rudest comment I have seen on this board. Iris, is a very caring person, who has given a lot of good advice, to me as well, as others. We may not agree with other comments, but we do respect the person that shared them with us. Maybe you need to be the one to leave the board!

ALZConnected Moderator

This is an example of a topic that is particularly geared toward care partners, not individuals living with dementia. Topics like these should best be discussed on the Caregiver Board, where people can share openly with others in similar situations.

When posts like this appear on Persons Living with Dementia, they can sometimes be confusing—or even hurtful—for people who are living with the diagnosis and come to this space seeking support from peers. To keep this board safe and supportive for those living with dementia and all those impacted, this is an example of why we would move a post with caregiver-focused conversations over to the caregiver forum.

Thank you so much for understanding, and for helping us keep each space supportive for the community it’s meant to serve.

The ALZ Moderator Team