Delusions

Mawgy

Hello, My name is Margarette and my fiancée has been battling memory loss for some time now and just recently received a medical diagnosis of probable Alzheimer Dementia. He periodically lashes out at me (verbally) about money that he thinks that I have taken. After doing some research, I found out that his accusatory behavior is expected as part of his condition. My question to any of you, is how do you handle this form of behavior and the emotional hurt and brokenness that follow?

Faye2020

Medication can often help with some of the behavior related Alzheimer’s disease. My spouse was recently diagnosed and was experiencing some extreme negative behaviors. After advocating for her needs with her PCP, neurologist and psychiatrist I found they were hesitant to order meds to address her symptoms.
I decided to take a different approach and enrolled her into hospice care. I already knew they offer the gold standard in symptom control. Once the medication was working I looked for ways to address verbal abuse. My spouse is having a difficult time letting go of things she was responsible for in the past. The following details are simply suggestions.

IMPORTANT

Identify what is causing issues. (Money). Try to include him with money decisions. Even if you already know the input will be incorrect. Just help him feel included. Get a small lock box with two keys. Have him put his money in the box for safe keeping. Remind your spouse to place his key somewhere safe. I put a key on a lanyard so my spouse can wear it around her neck.

Verbal abuse - it is not helpful to argue, no one will win.

It is ok to set boundaries and remind your spouse not to speak with you using abusive language.
Tell your spouse that you both need to take a break, stop the conversation and be quiet for a bit.
Decide if the argument/topic really needs to be discussed.
Some things simply need to be addressed while other things can fade away.
Communication - be ready for every conversation and your approach to change frequently

Finally, remember how little control your spouse has over his life. Find tasks that he can help with, clearly let him know how much you need help with the task at hand. Will the task be done correctly, maybe not but that is not important. Helping him feel good about his contributions to help is the goal.
Stop arguing, no one will win, rather the arguments will only divide your relationship future. Sadly, I have had to change my entire life in order to make all of this work. I now have to approach difficult times as if I was working with a toddler. Once I made this adjustment things became more manageable.